It Wasn't Just Me
by Bitterness11
Summary: One night Kaname disappeared, in the same night Zero found a little child in the woods that reminds him of Kuran, the one he hates the most. When facing the lies, betrayals and trying to keep his secrets, Kaname stayed unwillingly under Zero's care. Where's all that put Zero? KaZe .
1. Wrapped Between Unwanted Arms

**It Wasn't Just** **Me**

**Author's note :** I really don't know how this came into my mind, but I have read some stories for Zero turned into a cute little child, then I thought .. Why not Kaname ?  
I don't think this story will be long, god knows what will come into my sick mind next but tell me what you think okay ? I haven't slept in a whole tow days so forgive me for the mistakes.

I'll put three chapters today cuz they are very short to my liking .  
English isn't my language by the way .

**Important :** the lines like this_ ' Kaname '_ Will be Kaname's inner thoughts .

* * *

Running footsteps ..

He was trying to avoid the hunter bullets that was going after him for hours now, damn the hunters and there stubbornness, he wouldn't hesitate in killing the stupid hunter if it wasn't for Cross's pleads, he hide on a tree and watched the hunter looking around him, obviously he was able to sense him there but couldn't know where he was hiding _' he is using a spell to be able to sense me like that, sooner or later I'll make sure you know your place you filthy hunter '_ .

After losing the hope of finding the pureblood the hunter put his weapon, closed his eyes and opened his palms, he started to mutter a words that Kaname couldn't understand .

Suddenly Kaname felt a horrible pain in his chest .

He tried to control his breaths as to not let the hunter notice him and know where he was, he clenched his chest painfully and felt like he was being strangled, his mind couldn't focus on anything aside from the pain and the retreating figure of the hunter .

When the hunter disappeared, Kaname allowed himself to fell to the ground .

* * *

He opened his eyes wide and alert, he sat up quickly and frowned when he felt the ache in his head, he put his hand on his head and winced in pain when he touched the wound ._ ' Wait ! I can't be wounded !'_ He looked at his hand and there was blood, but.. Not just blood ! His voice shuddered " it can't be ..! ".

He looked wide eyes at for some reason his .. small hands, and noticed his strangely too big uniform " what the hell ! What that damn hunter did? I swear I'll send him to his grave with my own hands ! " When he shut his mouth he took notice to his small like a child voice, he breathed deeply to calm himself _' No one should know about this until I figured it out, dammit this clothes won't let me move ! '_

When he took off the blazer he heard a footsteps, he cursed under his breath .

" Who is there ? Show yourself !"

He heard the voice of the last person he wanted to see right now _' Kiryu ! '_

Of course Kiryu was a vampire that's why he was able to sense him, Kaname quickly took off his pants .. He can't risk that Kiryu might know who he really was, and his body was too small the black shirt would do just fine .

He hide his clothes under the bushes and took some steps away, no way he would let Kiryu discover him of all people No way !

He saw Kiryu pushing some bushes aside to reach him " I told you to come out didn't I ? "

When Kiryu's eyes rest on him he unconsciously took some steps backward .. Kiryu's eye's widened " a child ? What the hell are you doing here ? "

Kaname ignored him and looked at his bare feet .

Zero sighed before he walked towards him and kneeling next to him " where's your parents boy ? "

Kaname tried hard not to glare at the idiot infront of him, and said in a low innocent voice instead " I don't know .."

Zero looked around the place " then what are you doing here ?"

" I don't remember .."

Zero looked at his big eyes " your name ? "

Kaname shook his head and looked at his bare feet again, Zero was deep in thought " there is something fishy around here " then he suddenly panicked " let me see ! " He brought Kaname closer to him and removed his hair from his neck, then he sighed in relief " thank god " ._ ' You fool thought I was bitten ? Idiot '_

He touched Kaname's head and when Kaname winced he withdraw his hand " so the blood was from here, no doubt you lost your memory "

Zero stare at Kaname for a moment " I guess you don't know your house where about right ? "

Kaname shook his head again, Zero asked " do you remember anything at all ? "

Kaname whispered " no "

Zero smiled a warm smile and ruffled his hair " do you want to come with me then ? I'll give you a nice name and we will search for your parents together "

Kaname stare at Zero's face surprised by the warm smile that was directed to him, but he didn't return it " I don't mind " .

Zero stood and took his hand " come on then "

When they start walking Kaname noticed how small his body was compare to Kiryu, maybe a 6 or 7 years old boy for god's sake !

He felt himself fly for a minute before he was rested on a ' someone's ' chest, the said someone smiled at him " it's dangerous to be walking bare feet in a place like this "

Kaname nodded and made himself comfortable and smiled to himself_ ' if I was cursed like this I'll make sure I'll take all the benefits '_

* * *

When they reached the school they didn't run into anyone,_ ' I didn't think it was this late '_

Zero opened his room door " here will be your new room little one "

_' As if, I won't stay here after this night you will see ! '_

Zero put him on his bed " I wonder what is it with this big shirt ..? I don't have any cloth that might suit you "

_' Sure because you are too skinny for my taste, and in this state I'm in right now you are too big for me '_ he pouted without realising it until Zero smiled and ruffled his hair gently " what's with that face, you know you remind me of someone.."

Kaname looked at him a little nerves, he muttered " someone .. Who ? "

Zero grinned " don't worry sweety he isn't like you, he is a basterd, arrogant and he is smart yeah but idiot at the same time, you wait until you see him and you will agree with me .. Oh ! because you remind me of him so much I'll give you his name ! "

Kaname muttered " basterd .." Zero looked at him " what ? "

Kaname tilted his head innocently " what's his name ? or my name ?"

Zero smiled " it is Kaname , .. Isn't it sweet Kaname ? "

Zero burst out laughing while Kaname was cursing under his breath but forced himself to smile .

Zero continued between his laughing " I can't wait when I see his face " more laughter " when I put you infront of him, little sweet Kaname !"

Kaname glared at Zero who was clenching his stomach in laughter and wiping the tears from his eyes .

_' You will pay for this Kiryu, big time ! '_

When Zero's laughter subsided, he wiped the last tears " forgive me sweety I couldn't help myself, now let's find something for you wear .. Maybe I could find something in Yuki's clothes .."

Kaname interrupted quickly " I won't wear a girl cloths ! "

Zero's eyes widened " how did you know she is a girl ? Yuki could be a boy's name you know ?"

Kaname lowered his gaze " the way you say it told me that she is a girl am I right ? "

_' Shit ! I was about to expose myself ! This idiot isn't as foolish as I thought '_

Zero nodded " yeah good smart boy, fine then I'll take a look at my old clothes then we are going to take a shower, you can't sleep like this okay Kaname ? "

_' What this idiot think himself is ?'_

Kaname lowered his gaze embarrassed " I can take a shower on my own "

Zero smiled " really ? Good kid, here is the bathroom I'll go to find something for you to wear try not to hurt yourself, deal ? "

Kaname smiled despite himself " deal "

Kaname looked at himself in the mirror for the first time after his turning, he really looked like 7 years old boy, he looked at the clothe Zero gave him .. It was still big but it was exceptable and comfortable at least .

He walked out of the bathroom and saw Zero on his desk doing his homework, Zero sensed his gaze, he turned to him smiling and extend a hand towards him, Kaname tilted his head in confusion but went to him anyway .

Zero picked him up a put him on his lap " that's better sweety although it is still a little big, but don't worry we will go tomorrow and buy you a new clothes okay ?"

Kaname nodded_ ' I didn't think Kiryu would treat me like this .. Even if I was a child '_

Despite himself he Buried his face in Zero's chest, Zero embraced him and ruffled his hair " don't worry Kaname I'm here for you, and we will find your parents, you won't be alone again I promise "

Kaname clenched Zero's shirt and buried his face even further_ ' I just hope .. '_

Zero hugged him for awhile then he stood and put Kaname on the bed then covered him " try to sleep Kaname I'll be out in minutes " he took his towel and went to the bathroom .

Kaname was avoiding his gaze all the time, part of him was ashamed of himself because of his weakness, but he couldn't control himself when he heard Zero's words, he really didn't want to be Alone again .

He saw the bathroom door opened after awhile, he turned his gaze away when he saw Zero wearing just a towel on his waist, Zero smiled when he noticed his embarrassment and took his pyjama then returned to the bathroom .

When he came again he was fully dressed, he lay down next to Kaname " couldn't sleep sweety ? "

Kaname shook his head but didn't meet his gaze .

" Come here " Zero bring him closer toward himself " you know Kaname when I was younger I had a brother, we were twins, and we used to sleep together every night, we used to hold our hands even if we were asleep "  
he took Kaname's hand in his and smiled " like this "

Kaname smiled back .

" You must be tired now " he kissed Kaname's forehead " sweet dreams Kaname " .

He cuddled in Zero warmth_ ' night Zero '_ .

* * *

_**' At least ..**_

_**It wasn't just me ..'**_


	2. Unexpected Gentle Care

Chapter 2 :

Kaname opened his eyes slowly, he was able to see thanks to the sunwaves that sneaked from the window, he saw Zero wondering around taking his books, as he was already dressed in his uniform .

When Zero noticed him, he walked towards him " did I woke you up sweety ? " He ruffled Kaname's hair gently " go back to sleep I won't take long I'll be back later okay ? Don't worry I won't go to all the classes .. Wait for me here so we can go to town and buy you your clothes "

Kaname said in a sleepy voice " okay "

Zero kissed his forehead and went to his classes .

Despite how Kaname wanted badly to complete his perfect sleep he know he couldn't, he get out from the bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face, he must buy a new teethbrush today .

He can't let the vampires worried about him, now is the best time when Zero and Yuki at their classes, and the chairman at his garden looking out for his So Beautiful flowers .

He walked calmly towards the chairman office, as he expected no one was there .

When he finished writing the letter he put it in his pocket and returned everything to its place .

He waited for the chairman to come, he must ask him to find a cure for this curse, No not ask him ! He will command him to find a cure ! The stupid ex-hunter was the reason why he didn't kill that hunter in the first place, now it's time to pay back .

He has already noticed that he lost his vampire abilities, he couldn't sense the presents, couldn't smell blood, and obviously he can't hear what the humans can't .

_' I guess it's not just turned my body into a child's one .. But also it turned me into a human, I hope it won't take long to return to my normal form, there is so much I have to do .. So much '_.

He pushed his thoughts away when he heard the cheerful voice of the chairman singing happily, when the door opened the crazy but not his father ' as Zero was addressing him' put his hands on his mouth dramatically " you are the cute boy my son Zero told me about ! Oh my good how cute come here to your daddy ! Now call me papa would you ?"

The chairman hugged him and nearly strangled him " he said he named you Kaname and I don't blame him you look like a smaller copy from him although you are a more little cute !"

Kaname tried to release himself from the crazy man " shut it Cross do you really didn't know me ? Even if you saw me like this before years ago I'm the real Kaname .. Now let go of me you freak !"

Cross looked at him thoughtfully before he opened his mouth " oh Kaname ! Kaname Kuran ! What happened to you oh my god ? "

Kaname crossed his arms in anger " it's all your fault you idiot chairman ! If I killed that damned hunter I wouldn't be like this ! "

" Oh so it's a hunter spell then, or I must say .."

Kaname shouted " a Cures ! "

Cross nodded " yeah yeah "

Kaname tried to be his calm collected self again but it seems it's harder now duo to his small body, he said in the most calm voice he could muster ". Don't just nod your head like an idiot, you should find a cure as soon as possible .. I can't take it with this small body I hardly can open the doors for god's sake ! I even lost all my vampires abilities "

Cross laughed " well well Kaname, you look to me like you can handle yourself pretty well, and about your vampires abilities it's because you aren't a vampire now Kaname I can't sense anything from you, is this Zero's clothes you wear ? Oh my son is so sweet he gave you his old clothes !"

Kaname pouted " yeah how sweet he is when he gave me the clothe he was wearing when he stabbed me "

" Now now Kaname don't be like this you didn't saw him when he was warning me not to annoy his so cute little child !"

" I'm not cute and I'm definitely not a child "

Cross laughed, then his face become serious " what about your vampires they will get worried duo to your disappearing .."

Kaname interrupt " I already took care of this " he bring out the letter from his pocket " all you have to do is to make sure it will reach them "

" As expected from you there lord Kaname, consider it done, oh and what about Zero and Yuki should they know about this ?"

Kaname shouted " No ! This will be just between you and me, no one would ever know .. Understood ?"

" I'm not one of your puppets Kaname to order me around but I guess I should accept your punishment.." His eyes watered in a drAmatic way " I'm sorry for what happened to you I swear I will try to remove the spell somehow .."

Kaname sighed " don't just try you Have to find a way to remove it, the sooner will be much better "

" But Kaname .. About Yuki and Zero are you sure you don't want them to know ? They won't forgive you for that, especially Zero now that he decided to take care of you by himself "

Kaname shook his head stubbornly " no Yuki shouldn't know about it you know we were dating and I used to treat her like a child now she will treat me like one ? I refuse that ! As for Zero .. Simply I don't care if he forgives me or not he still didn't forgive me for things I haven't even committed .."

_' Yeah let the filthy level D take care of me .. I will make his life a hell, I'll make sure he will regret getting on my nerves all the last few years '_

" Chairman ! "

He heard a shout before the door opened by none other than Zero " Kaname isn't .."  
He sighed in relief when he saw Kaname standing next to the chairman " I told you not to wake him up why didn't you let him continues his sleep ?"

Cross made a hurt face " I swear Zero I didn't wake him up he come to me saying he was hungry !"

Kaname glared at Cross for what he said, Cross just moved his eyebrows to taunt him. Kaname smiled and went to Zero, he holds Zero's leg and when Zero patted his head he looked at Cross dearing him to say anything, Cross just sighed " be careful with him Zero he isn't as innocent as you think he is "

Kaname glared at him before he turn his face to look away .

Zero shrugged " you are saying this just because he refused to call you daddy, now let's go to the kitchen Kaname I'll make a healthy breakfast for you "

He took Kaname's hand and they exited the office with a victory smile on Kaname's lips and leaving the watered eyed ex-hunter behind .

* * *

Kaname was watching Zero making the breakfast with curious eyes, he never saw anyone cooking like this, actually he wasn't too fond of humans food he was just eating it once in a while if they put it infront of him and couldn't refuse . But now he was feeling a wired ache in his stomach, and because he turned into a human he think this feeling is what they call it ' hunger ' .

He nearly slapped himself when he noticed something, he cleared his throat " um.."

Zero turned to him smiling " yes Kaname what is it ? "

Kaname tried to act as innocent as he could " you didn't tell me your name yet "

Zero's eyes widened in surprised " oh didn't I ? It's Zero .. And I don't mind if you called me oni-sama or ni-san or oni-san or whatever " he grinned to him " it would made me happy "

_' As if I would be happy calling you like that '_

Despite his thought he smiled " I want to call you Zero, would it be okay with you .. " He hesitated " .. oni-sama ? "

Zero put the pancakes infront of Kaname and patted his head " of course sweety, now eat I'll bring the milk "

Kaname shouted before he could refrain himself " I don't like milk ! "  
' He remember he had try it once but couldn't forget his awful taste '

Zero looked surprised " so you do remember it and how its taste ? "  
_' Damn you Zero and your sharpness you got me ! '_

" Umm yeah I remember .."

Zero nodded before he went to the fridge to bring the juice " its natural to remember these things but forget about the important matters, I have read about it before "

Kaname look amazed " really ?"

Zero put the juice infront of him " yeah so don't worry about it, you will remember everything eventually "

Kaname sighed when he knew that his secret still save but he must be more careful, Zero isn't an idiot after all .

And for the first time in his life he enjoyed eating .

* * *

They went to town after that and Zero was unfortunately spoiling him, to the point that Kaname decided not to bother him and be the good boy for today at least .

They bought everything Kaname might need, when they finished, Zero took him to a place Kaname never thought he will enter it in his entire life, maybe as a father one day but definitely not as a child !

They stood in front of a toys store, Kaname stare at it mouth opened, Zero chuckled when he saw him " what is it with that face Kaname ? You don't remember being here before ? You will like it come on let's get in "

Kaname cursed under his breath_ ' Cross .. You better quickly find away to get me out of this ! This boy really get on my nerve !'_

" Now didn't you like anything Kaname ? Look what about this fluffy white bear ? It will be comfortable to sleep with "

Kaname made a face " no it looks like its for girls " he shrugged " you can take it for Yuki "

_' Ops ! '_

Zero looked thoughtful before he answered " yeah she will like it "

Kaname turned his gaze to look at the other shelf, an evil smile appeared on his little face when he saw a big black Wolfe with red eyes, yet again .. If he was forced into this situation he will make sure to enjoy it to the fullest, he lift his hand to take the black wolfe but Zero has reach it before him and looked at it strangely " are you sure you want this Kaname ? It's a little scary for a little kid like you .."

Kaname pouted " but it's good and fluffy too "

Zero laughed " fine fine " he gave it to Kaname " wanna something else ? "

Kaname smiled and hugged the wolfe " no .. Thank Zero "

Zero ruffled his hair " anything for you "

* * *

Later that day, Kaname was setting quietly in Zero's room reading one of his books, Zero has interesting taste .

When they returned from the town Zero gave him some of his new clothes to wear and told him to Wait for him here cuz its dangerous to be wandering around .

_' I bet he meant us vampires as a danger, sadly .. I'm not one of them for now '_

He looked at the window, the sun has gone maybe Zero will return now, he didn't stay just for Zero, he also was nervous of meeting Yuki .. He really doesn't want her to see him like this .

He sighed and put the book aside, it was a long day .. He can't believe this was the second day of him being child or human or whatever .

The door's suddenly open jerked him from his thoughts, Zero smiled when he saw him " did you get bored Kaname ? I'm sorry I had work to do, now come with me I want you to meet Yuki she can't Wait to see you "

Kaname knew he couldn't avoid this, he stood quietly and took Zero's extended hand .

Zero said before they entered the living room " don't worry she is a sweet girl you will like her although she is a bit annoying "

Kaname nodded .

When they entered Yuki jumped happily and run to hug him like the child he was, he hide behind Zero to avoid her, dammit he hate this he hate to feel embarrassed !

Yuki frowned " what you don't want your ne-chan to hug you ? This is not fair Zero why do you have to be the one taking care of him ? I'm a girl I can do a good job at this better than you ! "

" He is a boy Yuki he will be more comfortable with me ! And I'm the one who found him ! "

Cross shouted " enough you two .. Why don't we let Kaname to choose who he wanted ?"

Yuki looked hopefully at Kaname " listen I'll take a good care of you I'll cut your hair and I'll change your name ! You didn't like it right ?"

Zero interrupted " Kaname suits him very well and he said he liked it right Kaname ? "

Cross sighed " so our cute Kaname who will you choose ? You can choose me of course !"

Kaname glared at him _' No way in hell !'_

He said in a blank face and looking out of the window " I want Zero "

Zero patted his head smiling gently while Yuki and Cross were cursing there luck .

When they went to bed that night, Zero laid next to Kaname and played with his hair " I'm glad you chose me Kaname, I would feel lonely again if you left me for someone else like Ichiro did .. Sweet dreams Kaname "

Kaname whispered " sweet dreams Zero "

Kaname just stare at Zero's sleeping face until his burgundy big eyes closed slowly .

* * *

**_' He also wanted someone to chase away the loneliness .._**

**_To fill the emptiness .._**

**_It wasn't just me ..'_**


	3. Betrayal And Precious Tears

Chapter 3 :

Kaname put the book he just finished reading aside, he touched the black wolfe that was in his lap mindlessly, a week had past but there was nothing new .

Cross didn't found the hunter who did this to him yet, Zero was very good with him .. Kaname couldn't bring himself to hurt him or anything, the boy's softness and gentle heart shocked him, he didn't thought that Zero might be like this . And this is another thing that bothered him, his heart .. Has become softer, there was feelings he never thought himself would feel someday . His heart is getting soft, and this is a big problem to a pureblood .. He just hoped when he returned to his real body his heart will return too .

He sighed and exited the room, Yuki and Zero were on patrol now, and he needs a walk to clear his mind .

To the vampires it has been a week since his absence, but for Yuki .. They were dating for two months now, he never kissed her or touched her, she still in his eyes like the child he found ten years ago, and he asked her out when she has confessed to him that she loved him, he didn't want to brake her heart so he did what he did .

But what was bothering him now she wasn't even worried about him like she used to, and she never bring his name when she talk to Zero, not even once .

He hate being neglected like this, and yes that what he was feeling now .. Neglected .

He walked more deeply in the woods, although it was midnight but he was used to it, if Zero saw him right now he will give him another lecture about how dangerous the place is .

He stopped when he heard a humming sounds, he walked to the direction the sounds came from, he snorted secretly when he saw a day class girl and a night class boy was kissing, where is the guardians wandering away from them .

His eyes twitched when he recognised the boy and the girl, he walked some steps to insure his suspect, he looked shocked at them, there was Aido and ..

A voice came behind him " Yuki ! What the hell are you doing here ? "

Yuki muttered while she was shivered in fear " Z.. Zero .. "

Zero shouted " aren't you dating that damned pureblood what are doing now with his dog ?"

Aido yelled " watch your mouth Kiryu ! "

Zero continued " I never thought you would do such a thing Yuki ! What do you think Kuran would do if he knows ? "

_' Kill them '_

Yuki cried " plz Zero don't tell him we will tell him ourselves when he return "

Zero said trying to calm himself but his anger was visible " why Yuki ? As much as I hate to admit it he was nothing but good to you ! " He looked at aido " and not just you !"

" No Zero after all I did for him he still sees me as a little girl and I'm not little anymore Zero he refuse to notice that ! "

" Did you ever tell him yourself ? He never wanted anything but your happiness Yuki and look what you gave him "

Zero took Kaname's hand " if you didn't tell him when he returned I'll tell him myself, come on sweety "

Kaname was feeling cold, too cold, he continued walking with Zero like a doll of glass, he refuse to let thing like this to get to him, and who's Yuki to betray him like this ? And who's Aido to betray him with his girlfriend ? Who are they to make him feel this devastated ? He .. Kaname Kuran won't cry on something as stupid as this, he stubbornly ignored the sting of tears in his eyes, he would be damned if he cried now . He lift his gaze when he saw Zero lift his hand to his own face, and was angerly wiping his eyes .

Kaname looked at him confused_ ' are you crying for me .. Zero ?_ '.

He squeezed on Zero's hand _' Thank you '_ .

* * *

**_' This wasn't my tears .._**

**_There is someone else .._**

**_It wasn't just me .. '_**


	4. Even The Only Friend I Had

**Author's note :** thanks to all who added the story to their favourites and alerts, truth to be told I never thought there would be a lot of them .

snipits42 : this is a Kaze for Kaname being my favourite of course :D

Starry night : thank you very much I won't forget the effort you put in writing the review, and this is a Kaze story so keep helping me with your notes " Please " :D .. about Kaze or Zeka I don't see the importance to mention that when I'm not going to write any Lemons ?  
But I'm a Kaze fan nonetheless, you won't see a Zeka in any of my stories .

Scarlet29 : thanks for your suggestion I'll think about it, actually I wasn't going to make this a long story but I'll give it a try, I was already finished writing this chapter but when I have read your review I changed the ending to make it longer .

Miss Pazu \ Mira \ happy : thanks a lot :)

* * *

Chapter 4 :

Another week has passed, and still .. Cross found nothing .

Kaname was eating dinner with Zero in the kitchen in silence, Yuki was avoiding him and Zero all the past week, and for that he was thankful . Zero didn't talk to her after what happened, and Kaname didn't give it a second thought . He wasn't in love with Yuki anyway he was just trying not to hurt her feelings because she was dear to him but now .. Let her go to hell he doesn't care, he still have Zero right ?

He looked at Zero who was playing mindlessly with his plate, he was deep in thought it seems _' I wonder what he is thinking about ?'_

His gaze softened when he remembered Zero's anger for him and his .. tears . Kaname was really shocked form Zero's behaviour, he doesn't hate Zero .. not anymore, maybe Zero would be the thing he was looking for in years . Maybe he will give him something to live for, to hope for, something to protect, and to keep it close to his heart .

He smirked devilishly_ ' I have changed my mind Zero, I'll bother you .. But in another way '_

Zero lift his gaze to him when he sensed Kaname's eyes on him " what is it with the scary smirk sweety, are you planing on stealing my cake when I wasn't looking ? "

_' No, just stealing You maybe '_

Kaname pouted " don't say it like this Zero you wasn't eating anyway "

Zero frowned and start eating " how come a kid like you shorter than my leg call me just Zero ! oni-sama is good you know "

Kaname made an innocent face and looked at Zero with his big wine-red eyes " but I like it when I say Zero "

Zero put his hand to cover his eyes " don't look at me like that Kaname ! God give me Patience your parents were spoiling you "

Kaname crossed his arms " no you did, it's your fault "

Zero sighed " okay okay, you know I'm not fond of kids actually you are the only kid I knew, but when I talk to you I feel like I'm talking to an adult, truthfully you remind me of Kuran very much " he played with his food mindlessly again " he took long enough with his business this time I wonder when would he return "

When Zero frowned Kaname knew he was thinking about Yuki_ ' don't waste your time thinking about her Zero, I'll be your only friend from now on '_

He left his chair and went to Zero, Zero didn't notice him until he grabbed his sleeve " she doesn't deserve your attention Zero "

Zero smiled and ruffled kaname's hair " you are a smart boy Kaname, but still there is somethings you don't understand "

_' Tell me what I don't understand Zero ? The lies ? loneliness ? betrayal ? or the false façade ? '_

He tilted his head " tell me what I don't understand ? oni-sama .. "

Zero smiled warmly " you will be better without knowing sweety "

Kaname looked at Zero's untouched food " you didn't eat tonight too .. It has been a week Zero you didn't eat a decent meal .. "

Zero stood and picked Kaname " I'm not hungry, besides I don't need the food like you do, and it's my jop to worry about you Kaname not the other way around "

Kaname nuzzled Zero's neck_ ' Yeah, you are a vampire but .. You used to eat like a human Zero '_

* * *

After a few days, Kaname noticed something was bothering Zero greatly .

He tried to find what it is but couldn't, he didn't like Zero to be bothered or upset, he had enough pain in his life, he deserve to be happy .

When Zero returned from his class that day, he smiled " winter break will start next week Kaname, I'll be able to spend more time with you ! "

Kaname returned his smile " really ? "

Zero patted his head " yeah really " he remembered " tomorrow I have a mission to do, you will have to sleep alone Kaname "

Kaname nodded " okay, but what kind of mission ? "

Zero sat on the bed next to Kaname " It's better if you don't know, but don't worry it just some orders I have to obey "

_' Vampire hunting huh ? '_ He hugged Zero_ ' they better not send you on a dangerous mission '_ he clutched Zero's jacket unconsciously _' I have to protect you but in this state I'm in right now I fear this would be impossible for me '_

" Would you be alright ? "

Zero hugged him and played with his hair " yeah don't worry sweety, I'll be here when you awoke "

_' I won't let you go before I know what bothering you first, if it was what I'm thinking about .. I have to do what I can to help you '_

* * *

When they went to bed that night, Kaname was looking at Zero closely trying to confirm his suspicions, suddenly Zero closed his eyes and went to the bathroom in haste telling Kaname to sleep and not to wait for him .

Kaname got out of the bed and went the bathroom door, he put his ear on the door and frowned when he heard Zero's hitched breath .

_' Are you thirsty Zero ? I would be damned if I didn't do something '_

He went to the kitchen to bring a knife, he couldn't found anything in Zero's room he could use, It has been awhile since Zero took his blood, he cursed himself that he did not realise this sooner .

When he returned he tried to open the bathroom door but of course it was locked, he knocked quietly " Zero .. open the door please "

Came Zero hoarse voice " no Kaname go to bed ! "

" Zero please ! There is something I want you to see .."

He heard the sound of running water then after awhile the door opened " what is it kaname ? "

Kaname stare at Zero's damp face_ ' good work Zero trying to hide it from me all that time but sadly .. this ends now '_

He looked at Zero innocently " turn your back and set down please Zero .. It's a surprise "  
He made a face when said that_ ' dammit with this useless body ! It made me sick saying stupid things like this '_

Zero looked at him suspected before he turned and sat , Kaname closed the door behind him before he elbowed Zero with all his power behind his neck, Zero fell unconscious, he caught Zero before he fell on the hard floor, he put Zero's head gently on the cold floor then he cut his wrist, he lift Zero's head and brought his wrist to Zero's lips " come on Zero drink, you can't go to the mission like this, and I won't allow you to drink from Yuki ! Never .. now please Zero drink .. "

Kaname's blood run down Zero's chin but Zero didn't respond, he shook him roughly " Zero come on drink it ! "

He sighed in relief when Zero opened his red bloody eyes slowly and closed them again, he sucked Kaname's blood slowly, Kaname patted his head " good boy " .

Kaname winced when Zero's fangs broke through his wrist _' this is annoyingly painful, damn those humans and there weak bodies '_

After awhile Kaname's view started to fade, if he didn't stop Zero soon he will lose his energy, and Zero's fully conscious might return, he can't risk that, he stare at Zero who was drinking eagerly before he shook him " Zero that's enough "

of course Zero won't listen to him in this state, he snatched his wrist from Zero's loosened bite, when he noticed Zero's awareness started to return he knocked him off again, it's easy if you know where to strike no matter how weak you are .

He lay down exhausted next to the unconscious Zero, he sighed_ ' I have to clean the mess, oh Serin .. now I know how loyal you are ! '_

* * *

The next morning he woke up on the noise Zero was making, a severe headache greeted him, he was expecting this so he wasn't surprised but shit this was beyond bearing !

He shifted on his other side so he could see what Zero was doing, he was wearing just pants and looked like he was searching for something, Kaname wondered if he was searching for his shirt from last night . well he get rid of it last night because it was stained with his blood, he can't risk Zero to find out . He watched Zero's bare back in daze, the boy's skin is so pale he really looked like an angel with his silver hair and violet eyes .

_' My angel '_

When Zero sensed Kaname's gaze on him he turned to him frowning deeply " Kaname did you see my shirt from last night ? I couldn't find it any where " his gaze turned from annoyance to worry when he looked at Kaname's pale face " aren't you feeling well Kaname ? "

He went to Kaname and put his hand on Kaname's forehead, he smiled briefly when Kaname leaned into it " you don't have a fever, is there anything hurt you sweety ?"

Kaname mumbled " no I'm just a little thirsty, I want some juice "

Zero said while he was on his way to the door " straight as a prince in your commanding, I still love you as weird as you are Kaname " he gave Kaname a warm smile before he closed the door behind him .

Kaname sighed and laid on his back staring at the ceiling with a knitted eyebrows_ ' what would happen if you know who I'm Zero ? Would you hate me even more ? Do I have any chance of making you mine ? after I return to my real size of course '_

He looked at his slitting wrist, he should hide it from Zero, he might had been reckless last night, but he couldn't let Zero go to a mission on the state he was in, about the mission .. He should ask Cross about it later, he can't afford to lose Zero to neither death .. nor to someone else .

Zero .. who thought the day he did something for Zero had really came, Zero's heart was unique, he never thought Zero would treat a child like this .. Let alone taking care of him .

_' I swear I'll protect you Zero, I hope you would forgive me one day for lying on you, I can't tell you the truth, I want you beside me and if you knew who I'm you will push me away '_

He hide his hand under the covers when Zero opened the door smiling, a juice in one hand and another white shirt on the other . he gave Kaname who sat up the juice " will you be okay Kaname ? Do you want me to stay with you this morning ? "

Kaname took a sip from his juice " I want you .. But alas I don't need you to stay with me "

Zero crossed his arms and glare at him " you are being more and more full of yourself and cruel towards me little one, be careful or you will be just like him "

Kaname tilted his head trying to act innocently " you mean the one you gave me his name ? Is he cruel towards you oni-sama ?"

Zero sighed and lowered his shoulders in defeat and started to get dressed " I can't stand him and he can't stands me , fair enough I guess "

Kaname mumbled " yeah I see "

When Zero finished dressing he took the empty cup from Kaname's hand and laid him and covered him " now rest well Kaname okay ?"

Kaname looked at him hopefully " you will wake me up before you go to your mission right ? "

Zero smiled " sure if you want to "

Kaname returned his smile and closed his eyes .

* * *

When Zero returned later after the night class went to their classes, Kaname was still in a deep slumber, he looked exhausted . He stare at Kaname's peaceful expressions then he remembered , he had a weird dream last night , was it really a dream ? His thirst has subside this morning so he wondered . and there was a faint smell of Kuran's blood in his room, he is sure of it .. He can't mistake that rich blood to any other blood . and his missing shirt .. Could the dream be real ?

No no way Kuran won't come here just to help him, and Kuran didn't return from his trip yet but .. He sure as hell saw Kuran's face !

He rubbed his temples, this won't go him anywhere . He have to change and go right away .

When he finished he looked at Kaname's sleeping face and ruffled his hair gently as to not wake him " I have to go Kaname, I'm sorry I didn't wake you up, don't be upset okay ? Just rest well "

He bent down and kissed Kaname's forehead before he disappeared in the darkness .

* * *

when Kaname woke up after a few hours, he was feeling better, not much but now he could get out of the bed and he won't fell on his face . He looked at the clock on the night stand and panicked_ ' oh no ! Zero didn't wake me up ! '_

He got out of the bed as quickly as he could, he grabbed the closet clothe and change in haste, he didn't used to wonder around in pyjamas no matter what !

When he finished he went straight to Cross's office, he knocked on the door and waited patiently until Cross told him to come in. When he entered Cross greeted him " our sweet child is polite as always ! Oh are you feeling well ? Zero told me not to wake you up and to check on you from time to time "

" Yeah I'm fine, I wanted to ask you Cross "

" Ah about the spell you mean ? Actually I .."

Kaname interrupted " no, it's about Zero's mission "

Cross looked surprised " what about it Kaname ? " He turned to the window to look outside " oh, there is My brave sun ! As usual he came back early ! "

Kaname went beside him to look at Zero, he wanted to make sure Zero is fine by himself, he jumped on the edge of the window and smiled when he saw Zero walking throw the main gate .

He climbed down from the window swiftly and run to the door, leaving a wide eyes Cross .

He ran to the main door of the house and open it, he waited patiently until Zero came closer, Zero looked at him surprised and before he could say anything Kaname shouted " you idiot ! Why didn't you wake me up before you go what if something happened to you ?"

Zero looked at him dumbfounded, Kaname continued " didn't you know how worried I was Zero ? " Kaname turned and gave him back, he crossed his arms " you selfish moron I won't believe you anymore "

Zero stare at him for awhile before he smiled " and I thought you were waiting for me to hug me Kaname not to spat at my face " he bent down next to Kaname and brought him to his chest " I'm sorry sweety you were sleeping deeply and you looked tired, I didn't meant to upset you Kaname, forgive me ? "

Kaname turned his face to the other side_ ' not until I get something in return '_

Zero smiled when he saw that and kissed Kaname's cheek " happy now ? "

_' I'll make sure to take more in the Near future '_

Kaname returned his smile " very "

* * *

Kaname was watching Zero's sleeping face for hours now, he couldn't sleep, sure it's because he was sleeping all the day .

He was thinking about the night class, how they were living without him ? He has asked Cross from the beginning to tell Zero to keep his existing a secret from the other students . The night class know how he was looking when he was a child and they might figured it out if they saw him .

But he wanted to see by his own eyes how his vampires were doing, he slid out of the bed slowly,he change his pyjama and took a charm Zero made for him to hide his presence from the vampires . At this hour they would be finished classes already .

He went there walking slowly and watching every step he took, when he was next to the moon dorms gate he saw tow vampires walking to the building and heard them talking " ... a lot easier "

" Yeah, I didn't expect it from Takuma, but he is the vice president so we shouldn't be surprised "

Kaname wondered what Takuma did ? . He wasn't feeling tired or anything so he waited until the sunrise and entered the moon dorms quietly, it has been three weeks since the last time he was here, everything seemed quiet . He walked slowly to his study, he should take a look on the council's new papers, who knows what they might do in his absence ? when he stood next to the door he heard a sound from inside before he open it . there was someone talking inside His study, could he be Takuma ? He is the only one who could be there When he Kaname was there too . He opened the door slowly and looked inside .

There was someone sitting on His chair and talking on the phone " no grandpa don't worry he didn't comeback yet .. yeah I did everything you told me .."

_' What the hell ? '_

" No he didn't suspect anything .. He is trusting me too much grandpa .. okay .. Consider it done .. I'll finish everything before his return I promise .. I think he won't return soon .. As you wish .. Good night, bye "

Kaname looked wide eyes at his childhood friend standing up and looking out of the window, the way He Kaname used to do.

He retreated slowly as to not let the Vampire notice him, when he was safely outside he ran, his mind was blank .. Was he dreaming ?

When he went far enough he stopped, he tried to solve everything in his head, Takuma was talking about him no doubt . Was he doing this behind his back all along ? How come he didn't sense anything ? He smiled cruelty_ ' you had it in you Takuma, your grandpa's puppet, congratulations you did it .. You really did shocked me, I'm impressed '_

He walked slowly, there again .. He won't cry over this, he is the powerful pureblood, he never cried .. But dammit with this human's body its too emotional, he focused on his way in attempt to let his mind forget about crying . did Takuma .. No, Ichijo and his grandfather were the ones who sent the hunter to finish him off ? Actually he was wondering why the hunter was after him in the first place, but he will ask the damned hunter himself when Cross found him, if he wasn't already dead that is .

Maybe turning into a child was a good thing after all, who knows if he would find about Yuki, Aido and Ichijo if this didn't happened, probably he would be still thinking he know everything but alas .. He knows Nothing .

_' Go to hell Ichijo, Go to hell all of you, I don't need any of you, I have .. Zero'_

With that in mind he ran, he wanted to see Zero, and just Zero .

When he reached Zero's room he changed quietly, he climbed to the bed and laid next to Zero, he clenched Zero's shirt with shivering hands, and buried his face in Zero's chest when the other unconsciously put his arms around him .

* * *

_' Even if he doesn't know I was hurt .._

_He sensed it .._

_He hugged me .._

_It wasn't just me '_


	5. A Promise In Despair

**auther's note : **

**Miss pazu :** Thank you very much for reading, I'm the one who should apologize to all of you my English isn't in a level that allows me to write a story, but I wanted to write very badly .

**Scarlet29** : Thanks, I dont think it will be rated M . Excuse me but what deos BTW mean ? hiding her face . sorry :)

**Starry night** : I'm really thankful, please keep telling me about my mistakes :)

Thanks everyone ^^.

* * *

Chapter 5 :

" What did you say ?"

Kaname inhaled deeply, how much he hates repeating his words! He said in the sweet yet not too soft voice of his "As you heard Cross, they are plotting something; I need to find out what it is"

Cross frowned at him "something like what? Do you think they want to get rid of you? "

Kaname was sitting on the window's edge, his gaze focused on Zero who was talking to Yuki outside, to be exact Yuki is the one who was talking and Zero was trying to ignore her but hell she is annoyingly persistence, probably she was trying to apologies .

He kept watching them when he replayed "they want me out of their way, but what is their purpose ... That's what I need to know"

He gritted his teeth _' I must protect the other Vampires too, they are my responsibility'_

Cross nodded "I see, so what's your plan on finding out?"

Finely Kaname turned his gaze to look at Cross " I will get a good use of the curse that hunter forced on me, or should I say a gift?"

He returned his gaze to look at Zero but he has disappeared, his eyes fell on Yuki's back instead. She looked disappointed, it appeared that Zero didn't forgive her yet "I need you to put me under Ichijo's care sometimes, this way I'll be able to wander around the place freely"

" What if he knows who you truly are ? Weren't you afraid of that before? "

Kaname rested his head on the window's glass " Sometimes you need to risk in order to prevent the worse from happening, I was too careful before, I didn't want any unnecessary headache, but now I have to bear with it. Besides, it's impossible for someone to turn into a child isn't? At least no one but you and I know about it. They will think themselves crazy if they thought of that"

Cross sighed and looked at Kaname with understanding "you are right Kaname, I'll work on it as you wish"

Kaname climbed down to the ground and walked to the door calmly "Thank you Cross"

* * *

Kaname was staring at the book in his hands without reading anything, his black wolf long forgotten under his feet, he was trying to gather any possibilities he might find in his way from now on. There is no way he will be off guard like that again; they successes in shocking him once, but that won't happen again, no one can be trusted... No one.

_' Or maybe .. Can I trust you Zero? '_

First off all, he should know who still loyal to him and who has aligned to Ichijo's side, from what he heard from those two Vampires it seems that Ichijo is trying hard to please them . They sure want power and authority if they still need the other vampires on their side, but he doesn't need anyone by his side. He already has the power and the authority so that's not a problem for him.

_' if they got those .. Then what? What would be their next move? '_

He was deep in thought when Zero opened the door angrily "damn that crazy old man!"

When he saw Kaname looking at him questionably he sighed " he wants the filthy Night class to look out for you when I wasn't around, that idiot said he would be busy the next week and can't take care of you himself ! "

Kaname smiled "I don't mind"

Zero yelled in Kaname's face "The hell you say that Kaname I was keeping you away from them all this time and now that fool wants them to take care of you! I refuse that"

He inhaled deeply to calm himself when he saw Kaname's shocked expressions, it's the first time he raised his voice on the little Kaname.

He walked to set next to Kaname and puts his arms gently around him " I'm sorry I yelled at you sweetie, I won't do it again I promise"

He hugged him tighter " I can't trust them on your safety Kaname I. I can't afford to lose you"

Kaname smiled and buried his face in Zero's chest_ ' The same goes for me Zero, you are all that left for me, and you are all that matters'_

* * *

Kaname was walking with Zero holding his hand and a deep frown on his face, Cross has told Ichijo and the other has agreed on watching over him every morning in this week, although it was Ichijo's sleep time but he was glad the other has agreed . He will just have a little time; he will be in the moon dorms only two hours in the day, he doesn't want to be a burden on his former friend would he? More importantly he has just one week before the winter break, and he intended on not wasting it.

Zero knocked quietly on the door as to not wake the other vampires; when the door opened Ichijo appear to be excited "Oh is this cute child Zero! Chairman said you named him Kaname! "

He bent down smiling gently at Kaname "Oh boy you really looks like him when he was a child, so cute! I want to see Kaname's shocked face when he sees you honestly I never saw him even flinch but now I'm sure he will! "

Kaname squeezed Zero's hand unconsciously _' Over my dead body, you won't'_

Zero looked worried at Kaname before he turn his gaze towards the smiling Ichijo " Listen Ichijo-sinpai I want you to watch over him carefully, don't let him alone with the others please, you maybe the only one from them that I might trust"

_' Don't make me laugh please '_

Ichijo stood and took Kaname's hand from Zero's and smiled brightly "Don't worry Kiryu he will be safe, and two hours won't be long Cross said he won't let him stay here longer than what is needed"

Zero nodded and bent down to look at Kaname's eyes directly, he put his hand on Kaname's cheek gently "I'll check on you later okay?"

Kaname snatched his hand from Ichijo's and hugged Zero tightly, Zero smiled and ruffled his hair, he whispered in Kaname's ear "Why are you behaving this way sweetie? You're making me regret bringing you here.. Don't make it harder on me please .."

Zero released him from the tight embrace and kissed his cheek " Don't bother him Kaname be the good boy you are, see ya"

He watched Zero's retreating back until Ichijo called to him " let's get inside Kaname before you catch a cold, it's a little chilly out here"

He put his hand on Kaname's shoulder smiling gently at him, he leads Kaname to his room " I have a lot of manga in my room maybe you will like it!"

When they reached the room he told Kaname to feel like at home and put the manga in front of him, he smiled "Do as you like okay? But be careful and don't wake up the lazy students, I have some things I need to do don't leave this room okay? "

And with that warm smile of his he left.

Kaname stared at the manga before he put it aside and went to search in Ichijo's room, the drawers, under his bed, in the closet; he needs to find anything that might be useful for him.

He found a big box filled with mangas under Ichijo's bed, keep the important things hidden under the unimportant things, this was an old habit of Ichijo.

He took out the mangas then he found a weird green document, he opens it carefully, there was. His name, and another names under it, there was some of them has been marked.

It seems this list is for the ones who still loyal to him, good they made it easier on him.

He took a swift look on the names before he returned everything to its place then pretends to be lost on reading the boring manga till Ichijo returns.

* * *

When Cross came to take him later he asked him while they were walking "Did you find anything?"

Kaname's expressions remain indifferent " they obviously want to remove me out of there way, not only Ichio. The conical members are all involved, maybe there main objective is to cancel the coexisting with humans, maybe they are sick of listening to the hunter's rules all the time"

Cross's eyes widened "But that will cause a war between the two of them!"

" Yes you are right, and because of that you should find a cure before they get what they want, I have to kill them as quickly as possible "

" Won't you be in trouble for that Kaname ? "

Kaname stopped in the doorway for the house " No one will dare to judge me Cross, If I believed in what I'm doing I won't let anyone to stop in my way "he sat on the doorsteps" you go on inside I'll stay here for awhile"

Cross grinned "You do know Zero won't be here soon don't you?"

Kaname glared at him but didn't respond, he doesn't have anything to do right now anyway.

When he knew he won't get any respond Cross chuckled and entered, leaving Kaname sitting in the cold waiting for Zero.

_' What took you so long Zero ? '_

Why does he feel this lonely? He wants to see Zero very much it's hurt, never in his life he felt like this, is this emotions he feels right now because he was a human? Did Zero feel this way?

He lowered his head on his knees, it's freezing, there is something hurt in his chest, and something sting in his eyes, he clenched his hands _' Why I'm feeling this weak ? Why I want someone to be with me so badly? I'm not weak. I'm not like this! When would I return to my real size and the real me? '_

He started to shake violently ' it's just the cold. I'm not shaking from ...'

" Kaname ? What are you doing out here?"

_' No Zero .. You won't see me like this ..!'_

He tried to get hold of himself, he took a deep breath and raised his head to meet Zero's worried gaze, he smiled weakly "Just wanted some fresh air"

Zero looked at Kaname as if he didn't believe him then he bent down and gathered Kaname in his arms gently "You are freezing Kaname, this is too much for a fresh air"

Kaname clenched Zero's jacket, he needs him by his side, and he only wants him and no one else 'stay with me Zero. Always'

Zero picked him up "let's get inside"

Kaname nuzzles Zero's neck then he hugged him tighter, Zero smiled on the innocents gestures and went to his room.

When he reached there he wanted to put Kaname on the bed but the other didn't let go, he frowned and patted Kaname's head gently. He sat on the bed with Kaname on his lap "what's wrong sweetie? Is something bothering you? "

Kaname tights his hold on him but didn't respond. Zero sighed before he embraces the desperate boy in his arms.

After awhile he said quietly "You won't tell me what's wrong Kaname?"

Kaname whispered "Just stay like this please Zero"

Zero shivered a little; there is something wrong with a small child to be saying something like this isn't there?

He inhaled deeply before he removes Kaname's hands from him and took his chin between his fingers, he waited until Kaname meets his gaze "Kaname listen, I won't leave you, I'll be always by your side, you need not to worry sweetie. I swear to you I can't leave you even if I want to"

Kaname searched Zero's eyes before he said quietly "Do you promise me Zero?"

Zero kissed him gently near his shivering lips "I promise Kaname, just smile little one you are too young for this expression to be on your innocent face"

Kaname smiled warmly at him, he felt the warmth spreading into him slowly, if Zero was here. Everything will be fine.

* * *

" Wait here a moments Kaname I will bring you some sweets from Shiki's room, you will absolutely love them !"

Said Ichijo before he closed the door behind him, he always keeps Kaname in his room, Kaname went to the door and opened it slowly, he watched Ichijo's leaving back until he disappeared ' this isn't the way to Shiki's room you low filthy vampire '

This is the last day he will come here, winter break will start tomorrow, and he doesn't have enough time.

He walked out of the room slowly, Ichijo rarely leave him alone, and he must take a look on his study before this is all over.

He opened his study's door quietly, everything seems as it always was from the first moment, but he noticed some papers that seems a little out of place on the office, he went to look at them, they were full of scratching and some words that has been written in haste but. Why Zero's name is written down here? He tried to remember the names in front of his eyes and the common between them and Zero. _'They all had shown their hatred for me clearly. Although Zero is the only one who showed it without trying to be polite, he will be a good weapon in killing me, sure.. Why not? Brilliant plan Takuma'_

He looked at the names again, sure that hunter's name would be one of them, his hatred for him was really obvious. He swiftly put the papers down when he heard coming footsteps and went next to the window to pretend to be watching the outside.

Ichijo opened the door and sighed in relief when he saw Kaname "Thank god you are here! I was searching for you"

Kaname didn't turn to look at him "the view is nice from here"

Ichijo smiled warmly "This is the dorm leader's study you shouldn't be here Kaname, he will get mad if anyone enters here without his permission"

Kaname turned his gaze towards him and stare at him coldly before he said in a low voice "shouldn't you tell yourself before you tell me that Ichijo-san"

Ichijo's eyes widened briefly but before he could responds Kaname smirked "Zero has told me he is a cruel person so I suggest that you be careful and not let him finds out"

He walks to the door and when he reached it he turned to look at Ichijo's shocked face then he smiled innocently " don't worry about me I'll go right away, thank you for everything you really are a nice person and loyal to your friends Ichijo-san , I hope I'll find a friend like you when I become older . Bye"

He closed the door slowly behind him _' You are dead to me. Takuma'_

He walks to the main door with a blank face; he played with Ichijo's head a little.. So what? The other can't be sure if he was the real Kaname or not. He was an idiot, he knew how Kaname was looking when he was a child yet that didn't cross his mind, he smiled devilishly ' well .. Maybe now it will be'.

* * *

Kaname sipped the hot coffee slowly, he was sitting next to the window looking outside, he couldn't read any book, his mind was full of thoughts.

Cross entered the living room singing happily, but he gasped and drooped the newspapers from his hand when he saw the cup in Kaname's small hands "Oh my dear coffee! I spent a lot of time to make it on my special taste! "

Kaname sipped a little before he stuck out his tongue "I found it here, and the sugar is too much, this is more like a sweets not a coffee! I want a black coffee without any sugar or cream or whatever you put in this please"

He took another sip and returned his gaze to the window "I'm waiting Chairman"

Cross said with teary eyes "You stole it!"

" No I didn't ! Weren't you always spoiling the kids? So hurry up. Besides the poor coffee was feeling lonely so I gave it a favor and finished it off, no need to thank me just bring me my coffee please I can't stand this too sweet taste, I need a bitter one "

Cross grabbed his hair in frustration " You call yourself a kid you thief!"

He mumbled when he was on his way to the kitchen "wasn't your life bitters enough Kaname?"

Kaname pretend that he hasn't heard him and focused his gaze on the outside, he smiled when he saw Zero coming.

_' Even if my life was bitter, I have my own sweets Cross '_

He waited. For Zero to come, he won't go to meet him in the doorway like a lost puppy. Zero wasn't spending a lot of time with him the past weeks; he couldn't blame him though Zero was busy with the guardian's duties. But hell he missed him so much, he wants to be with him all the day.

He turned his gaze towards the door when he heard a footsteps, he looked disappointed at Yuki who entered the room instead of Zero.

She said with a happy smile "Zero's child guess what? The winter brake has started today! "

When she saw the bored expressions on his face she approached him " listen Kaname, I know I was ignoring you the last few days, but me and Zero had I fight and Zero forgave me today.. Well he sort of forgave me but.. I hope you will forgive your big sister too! "

Kaname stood and walked calmly to the door without saying anything, he passed the singing Cross, whom stopped with his mouth opened when he saw Kaname " Kaname what about your bitter coffee?"

He ignored him and went to Zero's room, Yuki looked at Cross surprised " Bitter coffee? Just like Kaname- simpai .."

Cross laughed trying to cover it, he doesn't need his dear daughter to find out "Oh I just made it for him because he stole my sweet coffee, I wanted to punish him but he got away!"

* * *

Kaname closed the door angrily behind him; he lay down on the bed and buried his face in Zero's pillow _' where did you go Zero? Shit the ache in my chest just getting stronger'_

And there was the sting of tears in his eyes again, dammit he was confused! What's with all this unwanted emotions? Now he knew for sure why some of the stupid humans ending up in a suicide.

He sat on the bed and put his hand on his face, this is not the time to be feeling like this, Zero will be here soon.

He took his black wolf and stare mindlessly at his face until the door finely opened, Zero entered with Kaname's coffee in his hand, he smiled "Chairman told me to give you this, how was your day Kaname?"

He put the cup on the nightstand and ruffled Kaname's hair gently "it still hot so leave it until it get cold okay?"

Kaname nodded, Zero sat on the chair opposites him "From now on I can be with you all the time Kaname"

Kaname took the cup in his small hands and took a sip before he says "Yuki has told me" he wanted to know Why did Zero forgive her, or as she said sort of forgave her.

Zero took the coffee from Kaname's hands "this is not for children sweetie "he drink from it before he frowned" do you like this kind of coffee Kaname? Yuki once told me Kuran likes the black bitter coffee"

Kaname looked away "No I don't, Chairman made it just to annoys me"

Zero sighed and put the cup aside, after awhile he said " to just let you know, I'm still mad at Yuki Kaname, I can forgive everything but not betrayal, especially from those you trust the most "

Zero's violet eyes darkened, it seems he was lost in memories, Ichiru ..

Kaname watched Zero for a moment; Zero's wound from his brother's betrayal still hurts him badly. He went to Zero and took his hand in his gently, Zero gave him a wistful smile before he picked him up and put him in his lap, he stare at Kaname's wine-red eyes before he muttered "I feel like I know this eyes from somewhere, but they never gazed at me like that before"

Kaname hugged Zero tightly "I won't leave your side Zero, I won't betray you .. I promise"

Zero smiled and return the hug "This is a big promise sweetie, but I'll expect you to keep it"

Kaname whispered " You too"

_' Please Zero .. Keep your promise and I will keep mine'_

* * *

_**' His wounds hurt ..**_

_**They had betrayed him ..**_

_**They had left him too...**_

_**It wasn't just me'**_


	6. My Endless Remorse

**author's not :** Hello there, I want to apologise for the short chapter, but I used to stop where my mind tells me.

Thank you everyone.

* * *

Zero was watching the fire flickering in front of his eyes mindlessly; the book between his hands is long forgotten. He was thinking deeply about the two Kanames.

One whom being his little spoiled child and the other is the one he hates the most, Kaname Kuran. He couldn't help but remember the arrogant pureblood whenever he saw his little Kaname, and whenever he remember him he couldn't help but to remember the reason why he hates that bastard. Because of that monster, everything is replayed before his eyes over and over.

**Flashbacks**

_Before his eyes_.. There laid his mother's and father's lifeless bodies, blood is everywhere. The cold wind was coming inside from the open door and the broken windows. He was on the cold floor, bleeding, and helplessly was screaming for his dear little brother to run, run from this nightmare, run from that Monster. Then, behind that monster, stood his smiling brother.

Cross's words were repeating in his mind endlessly _**"A pureblood had killed them"**_

_**A Pureblood.**_

_Ichiru had betrayed them with a pureblood monster ._

_Yuki's smiling face_ "I want you to meet him, he is a kind hearted and a gentle Vampire he is not like everyone else you will like him!"

_And there._

_That smell .._

_The same aura .._

_Just like __**her**__._

_**Kaname Kuran**__ .._

_**A Pureblood monster**__._

* * *

Kaname was sitting in his lap with his black wolf between his small hands; they were watching the fire in silence. He played with the soft brown locks and smiled gently. He was able to spend more time with Kaname these last days, his little sweet Kaname. Sometimes he wondered what the other is thinking about, he seemed deep in thought that a child like him won't be thinking like that. Kaname was a mysterious child, you will never know what he's up to, he is quiet most of the time, not like the other kids he doesn't like playing outside or whatever, he likes reading. And it's obvious that he was raised in a rich family, not only rich .. Maybe he was from a royal family ? He was totally different, the way he dressed, the way he eats, even his walking was different. He walks as if he owns everything; he wonders if it because he had gave him that bastard's name he took a lot of his personality. He chuckled before he could prevent himself.

Kaname lift his gaze towards him "What's so funny?"

Zero brought him closer to his chest, he smiled and lowered his head on Kaname's shoulder " I was just thinking, I'm starting to regret naming you Kaname, you took a lot of that arrogant's personality"

"Don't you like my personality Zero?"

Zero hugged him gently "I didn't say that. I love your pride, your rude attitude, although it's a little irritating at times. I'm glad I was able to spend more time with you"

Kaname smiled smugly "So you do love me Zero don't you?"

Zero turned Kaname to see his face and pinched his cheek "Of course I do Kaname"

Kaname frowned and put his hand on his reddened cheek "That's hurt don't do it again!"

Zero raised an eyebrow "Is it?"

Kaname looked at him with a half closed eyes "This requires an apology"

Zero chuckled "Fine, I'm sorry .. Kaname-sama" he burst out laughing after that and only stopped when he saw Kaname glaring daggers at him.

" Fine fine I'm sorry sweety, let me see .." He took Kaname's chin between his fingers and kissed his cheek gently "There, still hurt?"

"Yes" he hides a smile "If you licked it it won't hurt" he tilted his head innocently "Right Zero?"

Zero's eyes widened "do you want me to?"

When Kaname nodded he smiled and lowered his head to Kaname's cheek, he kissed it briefly before he licked the little red mark gently, Kaname holds his breath until Zero retreated and smiled at him warmly. He put his arms around Zero's neck and hugged him "Thank you Zero"

* * *

When they were sleeping that night, Kaname woke up on Zero's hitched breath, he sat up and looked at Zero closely, Zero was sweating and muttering some words Kaname couldn't catch, it seems he was having a nightmare. Kaname shook him slowly "Zero, Zero wake up!"

Zero's face was like he was in pain, Kaname grabbed him roughly by his pajama, finely Zero opened his eyes and stare at Kaname's face for a moment before he pushed him out of the bed roughly " Go away what the hell are you doing here !"

Kaname hit the wall and his foot hit the chair painfully, he looked shucked at Zero forgetting any pain he was feeling at the moment _' Did he know who I'm? Did he know me?'_

Zero yelled again while he was angrily wiping the tears that were running down his cheeks "I said get the hell out of here Kuran the last thing I want to see now is your damn face!"

Kaname stood up slowly and winced in pain when he puts his ankle on the floor _' shit this isn't the time for something like this! I need to get out of here before he kills me in this state'_

He limped towards the door; he looked at Zero before he closed the door quietly behind him.

He leaned on the wall next to the door and sat slowly on the cold floor. He observed his damaged ankle _' this will take some time to heal'_

He sighed and closed his eyes _'What's the matter Zero? Did you know who I'm? Do you hate me now?'_

He lifts his knee and leaned his head on it _' Please Zero don't hate me for it. Don't leave me like them.. Don't let me lose everything ..'_

* * *

_**'I know your feelings ..**_

_**Alone ..**_

_**Betrayed ..**_

_**Haunted by the past ..**_

_**I know very well ..**_

_**Because ..**_

_**Who feels this way ..**_

_**It wasn't just me '**_


	7. A Life Without You Have No Appeal To Me

**Author's note:** I really appreciated your reviews everyone, it's encourage me in my writing.

I really wanna thank everyone of you a special thanks but I don't want to make it a long note :)

* * *

**Chapter 7:**

Zero opened his eyes slowly. Is it morning already? He feels like shit right now as if he didn't slept the whole night. He turned to his other side to check on the little Kaname, he frowned when he didn't find him there.

He yawned and muttered to himself "Maybe he woke up early today"

He got out of the bed and walked to the window, he watched the bare trees outside and smiled to himself when he didn't see any snow there. He hates the snow, it always bring the bad memories, and in the winter's nights he always suffered from a terrible nightmares.

He frowned when he remembered he had one of them last night, and someone has woke him up. Someone .. Was is it really Kuran he saw last night? No way in hell Kuran would come here or wake him up from that nightmare.

His eyes widened when the realising hit him, Oh no .. Kaname!

He run to the door with fear filling his heart, he didn't hurt Kaname thinking he was that bastard did he?

He opened the door and gasped when he saw Kaname laying on the cold floor with nothing but only his pyjama. He knelt next to him and gathered him gently in his arms. shit his body is so cold, dammit how he hates himself! How could he do something like that to this fragile child?

He stands up and went back to his room, he put Kaname on the bed and frowned when he saw Kaname winced as if he was feeling pain. His eyes widened when he notices the child's swollen ankle. Did he really caused that? He took Kaname's small hands in his and muttered "I'm sorry sweety, I can't forgive myself for that"

"It wasn't your fault Zero"

He lift his widened eyes to Kaname's dark ones, he couldn't say anything when he saw the regretful gaze Kaname was giving him.

Kaname continued "It was mine, don't blame yourself"

Zero knitted his eyebrows "Why are you saying that ? I'm the one who hit you"

Kaname closed his eyes "I'm the one who woke you up, I deserve it" he turned on his side giving Zero his back _'And I deserve more, I have lied on you. I have caused you enough pain in the past, yet now I can't even leave you nor I can tell the truth. You will hate me more if that was possible, and I don't want that'_

Zero stood up "Stop this nonsense Kaname this isn't like you, I'm going to bring something for your ankle don't move okay?"

When Kaname didn't respond Zero sighed and left the room. Why did Kaname say that? Maybe he was upset from him for what he did but.. That look he gave him, he wasn't behaving like he used to. Seeing that regretful sad look in those eyes was something unexpected, it was really shocking.

But why he was feeling this way, like .. Seeing that look in those wine-red eyes was totally wrong?

* * *

"Oh dear what happened to you?"

Cross whined when Zero put Kaname on his chair for the breakfast, Kaname looked at his bandaged ankle before he answered "I fell from the stairs"

Cross frowned "I didn't heard any sound..."

Kaname cut him off and hardened his gaze towards him "I fell from the stairs Chairman"

"Oh even you little Kaname! Why don't you call me daddy?"

Zero put an apple juice in front of Kaname and sat on his own chair "Don't bother him Chairman please he didn't slept well last night. Where's Yuki?"

Cross sighed and sat down "She still asleep. What are you thinking Zero giving the child an apple juice in the breakfast? You should give him milk look at him he is too short for his age!"

Kaname glared daggers at him while Zero frowned and asked "Can you know how old is he Chairman? I think he is a 6 or 7 years old, and he seems fine to me, besides he doesn't like the milk nor the orange juice"

Cross grinned "Yeah you are right 7 years fit him just right! But I wonder if that was his real age"

Kaname kept eating as if they weren't talking about him, that Cross just wanted to get on his nerve. He wasn't afraid of him because he doesn't have any powers right now so he was saying what he wants to, he knew his tables were save and he won't be able to brake it no matter what.

_'I'll brake your tables one by one when I return to my real size Cross, you'll pay dearly'_

Actually he preferred coffee for breakfast but Zero didn't let him so he settled on the apple juice instead.

He knew that Zero was watching him closely, he was worried about him. He could see the guilt deep in those violet eyes.

_'You don't have to feel guilty for this Zero, I have to protect you from any pain yet I'm just causing you more. I hope you will be able to forgive me someday'_

* * *

Kaname was sitting in the living room on the couch reading a book, Zero put him there and told him he will go to check on the horses.

Kaname lift his gaze to the window, it's really cold these days but it didn't snow yet, he wonders when the snow will fall?

He was lucky that Zero didn't recognised him yesterday, he thought he was dead for good. He wanted to run but his injured ankle get in the way.

There's no way Zero would forgive him for this, he didn't thought that Zero was hating him this much. Did he usually have nightmares about him?

At any rate, he should find away to return to his real size quickly. He had gave Cross the hunter's name he found that day, and Cross has told him that the hunter was nowhere to be found.

He should kill them all, they are a disgrace to all the vampires. They are an upcoming danger, they will cause another war, after all everything they have done to prevent it.

When he finish everything, he will apologise to Zero, yeah he should do that at least. He won't apologise until everything is over, and because he knew that Zero won't forgive him he will leave Cross academy for good.

A gentle pick on the forehead jerked him out of his thoughts "What are you thinking about sweety?"

He looked at Zero's warm eyes_ 'It's better if you doesn't know, my innocent angle'_

He leaned his head on Zero's chest, Zero smiled and hugged him "I'll go to the police station today to see if there's anything new about the research on your family Kaname"

Kaname closed his eyes and relaxed in Zero's arms "There's no need to tire yourself Zero" he clenched Zero's shirt "I have one already"

"What? You don't wanna see them?"

He inhaled Zero's scent before replaying "If they want me they will look for me, as for me, I don't want them I just want you"

Zero closed his eyes and smiled sadly "As much as your words has made me happy sweety, but there's no child can be happy and feels completed without his parents around"

_'This goes for you Zero, whom your parents were taking away from you in an early age. But not for me'_

* * *

"Where could he be hiding at? You know Cross I need to return to my real form fast!"

Cross sighed helplessly after Kaname's shout, he adjust his glasses "Listen Kaname as I told you before there's no one from the hunters know where he is about, it seems that his disappearing was at the same time he put that curse on you. And I couldn't get any information about if he was on an official mission that night or not"

Kaname massaged his temples "Fine, I'm going now Zero might be here soon"

He closed the office door behind him and walked slowly to the main door, it has been three days after that incident. He could walk slowly on his foot right now although it still hurt a little.

It was night already, and Zero went to town to bring some stuff for that idiot Cross. He opened the main door and went outside and sat on the doorsteps. He needed some fresh air, and he wanted to see Zero. He is late, he should be here before awhile ago.

He lift his gaze to the dark sky, it will snow at any moment, and Zero still didn't came .. He sneezed and closed his eyes for awhile, although this is not the first time he sneeze but he couldn't get used to it yet.

Hell he was feeling like shit, he felt like the energy has left his body. Why is he feeling like this anyway?

He breathed into his freezing hands, it's so cold where the hell is Zero?

He sighed in relief when he saw Zero walking past the gate from the distant, suddenly Zero stopped and lift his head to the dark sky. Kaname did the same when he saw the snow finely falling.

He frowned when he saw Zero still standing there,he walked slowly and stood behind a tree watching Zero's lost gaze.

_'What's wrong Zero?'_

Finely Zero resumed his walking towards the door, Kaname kept watching him until he entered_ 'He even didn't notice me'_

He sat and leaned on the tree behind him_ 'Could Zero's mind was clouded by the bad memories?' He clenched his hands 'I wish I could erase them, even if I could he won't forgive me if I did'_

He entered after awhile and saw Cross was standing next to the window, he frowned, was Cross watching him? He hated to be watched; but because he was a pureblood he used to it. Cross said when Kaname didn't say anything "He hates the snow, he needs sometime to be in his normal self again" he looks at Kaname in the eye and said in a dead serious voice "Please don't make it harder on him more than it is"

Kaname lowered his head but didn't say anything, he went to the living room and kept the light off. He laid on the couch and tried hard to sleep.

He hated it when Zero didn't look at him, nor he had sensed him. He hated to be neglected by Zero, but he should get used to it because Zero won't look at him again after he knows the truth.

And he hated the way Cross has warned him, he really does care for Zero like his son. But what's the feeling that pains him in his heart right now? Why does he feel like a child whom just knew that the family he raised in wasn't his? Why does he feel like an intruder?

_'Because I'm an intruder, I don't belong here'_

He forced his eyes to close _'Curse you humans and your stupid emotions'_

* * *

Zero's lost gaze watched the outside from the window, the ground has been a pure white already. Just like that bloody night. He leaned his head on the windows cold glass, there's a small voice inside his head telling him to snap out of it. But he couldn't yet ..

_**Flashbacks**_

_**His mother's smiling face** _"Zero we have a mission to do, look out for Ichiru okay?"

_**Ichiru holding his hand** _"I don't need the medicine if you were by my side Zero"

_**Ichiru looking at him with puppy eyes** _"Please Zero let's play more in the snow !"

_**Let's play more in the snow ..**_

_**You have played enough in the snow Ichiru ..**_

_**You have painted their blood on the snow ..**_

_**As will as mine ..**_

_**You have betrayed us ..**_

_**A sweet yet calm voice**_ _"I won't leave your side Zero, I won't betray you .. I promise"_

Zero gasped when he remembered " Kaname! Where the hell is Kaname?"

He ran out of the room but halted when he sensed Kaname's presence inside the house, he sighed in relief when he saw Kaname sleeping peacefully on the couch. He picked him up in his arms "Why are you sleeping here Kaname?"

He smiled when the other has buried his face in his chest searching for the warmth. He walked to his room and frowned when he felt Kaname's body was warmer than usual.

He put him on the bed and put his hand gently on Kaname's forehead "shit he has a fever!"

* * *

Kaname opened his heavy eyes slowly, he coughed .. Wait what was that ? He didn't really coughed did he?

He heard Zero's voice from somewhere beside him "Finely you are awake! I was worried about you"

Kaname said in a hoarse voice and wanted to sat "Worried about me? What's there to worry about?"

Zero put his hands on Kaname's shoulders to keep him laying "Stay in the bed Kaname you have a fever"

Kaname's eyes widened "you must be joking.." A harsh cough cut off his words.

Zero put his hand on Kaname's forehead "Relax sweety"

Kaname frowned "But I have never got I fever before"

Zero chuckled and brought a glass cup to Kaname's lips "How do you know? You are still a child. Now drink that"

Kaname made a face "I hate the orange"

"You have to drink it it will help your body resist the high fever"

When Kaname finished drinking he felt sleepy again, Zero covered him with the blanket "You must be fine by tomorrow Kaname, I have a mission and I don't want to leave you like this"

Kaname muttered before he closed his eyes "I'll be fine"

_'And I'll protect you at all caused'_

* * *

When Kaname woke up later it was already night, he saw Zero sitting next to him on the bed reading a book. He turned his gaze to Kaname when he sensed him waking up "Finely I got to see this lazy eyes open, how do you feel sweety?"

Kaname put his head on Zero's thigh "Much better, but that juice awful taste still on my tongue"

Zero chuckled and played with Kaname's hair "Your late dinner is ready whenever you feel like eating"

"Not now, I still feel like I'm dreaming"

Zero smiled and put a sweet chocolate into Kaname's mouth "What a weird way to put it"

Kaname chew it slowly, he likes this taste, Zero's taste in chocolate was truly wonderful.

He opened his mouth "Give me another one"

Zero frowned and put another one into Kaname's mouth "You'll eat all of it"

Kaname took the chocolate box from the night stand, he took one and put it in front of Zero's mouth, when Zero opened his mouth to take it Kaname smirked and put it into his own mouth.

Zero shouted "You thief this was mine!"

"Who said it was yours?" He took another one and put it in front of Zero's mouth again "Honestly this is truly yours"

Zero hastily took the chocolate into his mouth and bit Kaname's finger. Kaname shouted "Let me go Zero!"

He tried to snatched his finger from Zero's teeth "Seriously Zero you are behaving like a child!"

Finely Zero released his poor finger "I'm talking to a child so why not behaving like one? and you started it"

Kaname stared at the mark Zero's teeth has left on his finger, he was lucky there wasn't any blood or he will be doomed.

He lift his finger to Zero's lips "Apologise"

Zero sighed before he took kaname's hand and kissed his finger gently "What a spoiled child"

* * *

He opened his eyes and blinked for moments to adjust to the darkness, he and Zero stayed awake till the early morning. That was the time when his fever has returned. Zero wanted to stay with him and he refuses to sleep although he has a mission tonight.

About the mission, he better get up and asked Cross about it. He has a bad feeling about this. And from the looks of it it seems that Zero has already gone.

He was feeling better so he get up and went to take a shower in haste and to change.

He went to Cross's office and greeted him.

"How do you feel right now Kaname? Zero was worried about you"

Kaname replayed "I'm fine thank you, I want to ask you about Zero's mission Chairman"

Cross looked surprised " What about it Kaname ? "

" Do you know where the place is? How much level Es? Is he alone or there's someone with him?"

Cross smiled " What's with the sudden interest?"

"Just answer me Cross"

Cross sighed in defeat " I don't know how much are they, actually they didn't wrote it in the letter, and no he is alone in this mission I'm afraid, and about the place .. The letter said it's an old big house out of the town, to be exact it's in the northern outskirts of the town "

Kaname looked at him in disbelieve " It can't be .. " He shouted " What the hell Cross that house is a nest for the Es! I was going to wipe them out before I stuck in this!"

Cross rise his hands " Calm down Kaname, they won't sent him there if it was that dangerous, and Zero is a capable hunter you should trust him"

Kaname stormed out of the office muttering to himself "What would trusting in his abilities would do to me if he died? "

He remembered Zero was keeping another anti-vampire gun other than Bloody Rose in his room, he went to take it, he should go to find Zero as soon as possible .

_'I can't lose you Zero, not after what all you did for me '_

* * *

He was tired, besides the cold and the wet road, he was running all the way to that old house, but it was still too far_ 'Damn you hunters! Curse you all! Why the hell you send him there on his own!'_

If this kept up he might be too late and Zero would be .. He saw an approaching car, then an idea came up to him .

He recklessly stopped on the car's way, when the car stopped before him he heard the driver cursing him, he went to the driver window "I need a ride"

The man looked at him as if he was insane "What the hell? Fuck off boy or I'll deg your grave here "

Kaname cursed under his breath "Filthy human "

The older man shouted " What did you say?"

Kaname swiftly opened the back door and put the gun on the man's head from behind "I said I wanted I ride. I might be a child but as you can see I'm a crazy one, to the northern outskirts Now!"

The poor man didn't have a choice and obeyed .

_'Good thing he doesn't know the gun won't do anything to him, the ignorant fool '_

When they reached their destination Kaname got out of the car "Thank you, you can leave"

When the man gave him a shocked look and drove the car away, Kaname ran to the old house praying _'Zero be safe please'_

He stood before the house and tried to hear anything, but there was nothing to hear .. The place was deadly quiet.

He entered slowly and on his high alert, it has been 5 hours since Zero left, could he possibly wiped them out?

Suddenly he heard a move above him, he retreated swiftly and fired the gun on the level E's head, he can't see clearly in the darkness, and the moon's light from outside isn't enough, he should lure them out and finish them off there. But where's Zero? There wasn't any trace of him being here .

"Your blood smell very delicious "

He heard a hissed behind him, he turned and pointed the gun to the smirking level E "Did anyone came here before me? Answer me"

The level E laughed cruelly "Ah that one also smelled pleasant" he smirked again "I haven't taste a blood as good as his for awhile"

Kaname tried as best as he could to control himself 'It can't be .. He is lying'

He shouted "Lier! Where is he? tell me"

The E walked closer towards him "I can send you to his place if yo.."

Kaname didn't let him complete his sentence, he is lying, Zero can't be dead.

After the E before him turned into dust a dozen of E's appeared from no where, he retreated slowly backwards, dammit! In this body and without his power killing them all will be a hard task, but he must do it .. For Zero' sake.

_'The only one who helped me, the only one who was smiling warmly at me, and the only one who .. Said he loves me the way I'm'_

_He saw a door leading to the back garden of the old house . when he was safely outside he started to shoot them one after another 'How could Zero depend on just his gun.. It's too dangerous, where are you Zero?'_

After awhile of shooting he started to warn out, his vision started to blur because of the blood loss and his body has lost his energy, his wounds was bleeding without him noticing, his blood was all over the white snow, all he was thinking about is Zero .._' Is he really wasn't here any longer? Where is he ..? If he had gone I ..'_

He tried to keep standing and focus on the Es around him, he can't fell in despair right now, but he couldn't ignore the emotions that was clutching its cruel fingers around him, for the first time in his life .. He felt the Fear, the weakness, he was helpless, he couldn't protect the one who loved his real him.

One of the Es managed to hit him hard on his chest, his head hit the wall behind him painfully, he fell to the ground and his hand loosened on the gun, Zero's gun fell beside him .. and maybe Zero fell the same way somewhere else, maybe that level E wasn't lying after all.

His eyelids closed slowly_ 'I failed to protect you Zero.. I don't want to live if you won't be here anymore .. I was going to live and watch your smiling face from a distant but.. If you're gone .. It doesn't matter'_

He wasn't feeling any pain in this moment, he felt numb, he felt cold, very cold .

a visions from his past passed in front of his eyes, Juri and Haruka calling him their son, little Yuki's sweet smile, then a visions of blood and darkness, the long lonely way he had chose in his life, and then .. The bright and warm smile that belongs to Zero.

Before he gave up to the darkness, he heard the sound of a gun fire and someone shout his name, from far away .. so far .. with a smile, and for the first time in his life, a single tear run down his blooded cheek .

* * *

_**'Even if I was surrounded by the darkness ..**_

_**I heard him calling me ..**_

_**I knew it from the beginning ..**_

_**I'm not alone ..**_

_**I knew it all along ..**_

_**It wasn't just me'**_

* * *

**To be continued**


	8. Painful Hatred And No Answers

**Author's note:** Thank you for the reviews everyone! You made me smiling as if I was crazy :D I'm really grateful.

For those who asked why Cross didn't prevent Kaname from going do you really think Kaname would listen to him? I don't think so and Cross knows his limitations after all.

As for who asked why Kaname went there when he is just a small child, from my point of view on Kaname's personality he won't let such a thing to stand in his way if he wanted to protect someone he does care for :)

Now with the chapter ..

* * *

"I don't care if you woke up again or not! I hope .." He closed his eyes with a deep frown on his face "I just hope that.. This will be your last..."

Zero put his hand on his face in frustration, he was watching the small boy from behind the glass, in the other side laid Kaname on the hospital white bed with many tubes connected to his body, his eyelids closed, he can't say he looks like he was sleeping peacefully .. His face has lost his beautiful colour, it was pale, so pale, truth to be told .. He looks like he was already 'Dead'.

He clenched his hands into fists, Why can't he just hope for that bastard to just die right now? Wasn't this his wish before? Weren't he intending on killing him by himself?

Maybe it's because this was all his fault .. Maybe Kuran wanted to protect him and was nearly killed because of him. Why did he try to help him anyway? Weren't he supposed to be hating him?

His emotions are in conflict at this moment, he couldn't bring that sight out of his head. The sight of his sweet Kaname leaning on the wall behind him and surrounded by his own blood, on that white snow.

_**Flashback**_

Zero was on his way back to the old house again, he nearly run out of bullets but he was able to run away from the E's to bring more, he didn't think there would be so much of them .

When he reached the old house a scent he Never thought of smelling here greeted him, Kuran's blood! And there was a lot of it.

He ran to the blood's smell direction, when he reached the back garden he saw a group of level E surrounding someone, he went closer and gasped when he saw His little Kaname falling to the ground, covered in blood.

His heart ached, he shouted Kaname's name Before he finished off the rest of the E's, there wasn't much of them and seeing the dust is everywhere around the place it seems that Kaname had killed a lot of them, but how could he? He was just a small child!

He ran towards the unconscious child, he knelt besides him and his eyes widened when he realised that Kuran's blood scent was from Kaname.

He picked him up and with a vampire speed he took him to the nearby hospital.

After they took Kaname away he called Cross and waited for him to come, he sat in front of the Emergency door and kept thinking.

He was worried as hell about Kaname's condition, but why he has the same blood's smell as Kuran? Are they relatives? Was his little Kaname a vampire after all? But how come their blood is the same smell there wasn't even a slightly difference? Is this why he always sensed Kuran's presence when he wasn't fully awake?

He inhaled deeply and leaned his head on his arms, he can't concentrate on anything right now. He will ask Cross about that, sure he knew something.

But.. Why Kaname was in that old house anyway? Was he looking for him? Did he wanted to protect him? Why did Cross allowed him to leave the house in the first place? Shouldn't he was watching over him?

He rubbed his temples, Kaname's dried blood on his clothes wasn't helping him at all. It just kept nagging at him, and it annoys him to no end.

He stands quickly when he saw Cross approaching, he went to the other and grabbed him by his collar "What were you thinking Chairman? I left him under your care how could you do such a thing? Why didn't you watch over him as I asked? Tell me!"

Cross tried to release himself from the other's strong grip "I'll tell you .. Everything .. Just let me go Zero"

Zero released him and covered his face with his hand "I'm sorry Chairman. I'm just worried .. And there is something I want to ask you"

Cross nodded "I know what you want to ask about, but we can't talk right here. Come with me and I'll tell you everything"

* * *

" .. Zero .. Are you listening?"

Zero stare at the other with awe, he was speechless. He must had heard him wrong, his mind stopped working after he heard that sentence.

"Your little Kaname is the same pureblood Kaname Kuran"

_A flashes of little Kaname kept appearing in front of his eyes_

_When he first_ founds Kaname in the woods and asked him about himself .. Kaname's gaze on the ground while he muttered "I don't remember"

_Kaname smiling_ at him innocently "I want to call you Zero, would it be okay with you .. "

_His slightly widened eyes_ and his weird gaze when he found him watching Yuki and Aido kissing.

_When he grabbed Zero's sleeve_ and stare at him with an intense eyes "She doesn't deserve your attention Zero"

_His concerned gaze_ before he went to the mission and promised him to return.

_When he was setting_ on the doorsteps waiting for him in the cold.

_Kaname whispering_ "Just stay like this please Zero"

_Kaname closing his eyes_ and relaxing in Zero's arms "There's no need to tire yourself Zero" he clenched Zero's shirt "I have one already"

_When he hugged Zero tightly_ "I won't leave your side Zero, I won't betray you .. I promise"

_Those wine-red eyes_ looking at him with regretful sad gaze "It wasn't your fault Zero"

**_"It was mine"_**

Cross waved his hand in front of Zero's face "Hey Zero? Are you still here?"

Zero muttered to himself "It can't be .. He isn't .. Kaname won't .."

He shook his head violently "No that can't be true! You must be joking!"

Cross sighed and crossed his arms "I won't be joking on something like this and you know that"

Zero shouted and tried to hide his shaking hands "What the hell Chairman? You can't be serious? I won't believe such a thing! How could someone turn into a small child like that? After I smelt his blood I thought he is a relative to that bastard but definitely not him!"

"Calm down Zero .. I know it's hard on you, but you must believe what I said because it's the truth"

Zero's tears were running down his cheeks, he wiped them by his sleeve angrily. This can't be true, he mumbled "How could he ..?" He shouted again at the other's face "If you knew that from the beginning .. Why did you let me take care of him? Why didn't you chase him away the first time I brought him why didn't you tell me? You know how much I hate him yet you kept silent about it!"

Cross looked at him pleading "I'm sorry Zero, I told you I didn't know till he told me by himself and it was my fault in the first place so I owe him keeping his secret. I did told him to tell you the truth by himself but he refused"

_**End of Flashback**_

Zero didn't notice the angry tears that run down his cheek Again. He kept watching the un moving body on the bed behind the glass, he won't forgive that bastard. He intentionally played with his feelings, he acted as if he was really an innocent child. He must admit it, he played it well, he was totally deceived.

He can't wait for the other to wake up, he will let him regret what he did. Now he has the advantage, that Pureblood bastard is just a toy between his hands right now, Kuran has nothing but his memories; and what the memories could do? Absolutely Nothing.

He will also ask the other why he went there in the first place, why he was there fighting the E's, why was he in that place where Zero was supposed to be at?

Now that he knows the truth, it can't be because of him Kuran was there. He won't care about him anyway, that bastard must has another purpose on going there at that time. He won't care about anything just himself and his plans.

Zero sighed and closed his eyes, he leaned his head on the cold glass. He was exhausted; so why he couldn't return to school and take a rest? He was waiting for Kaname to wake up just to ask him what he wants, right? Right?

The doctors said it was a miracle that Kaname was still alive, he knows why though; it's because his pure blood. Although his blood still couldn't heal him like when he was a vampire, but it helped him to stay alive till this moment.

He sat on the nearby chair and leaned his head on the wall behind him, slowly he drifted to sleep.

* * *

Zero tried hard to slow his speeding steps, he was just returned to the hospital after Cross has ordered him to go and change. He said his son should be always in a good look or people will think that he is a bad father.

He wanted to see Kaname right now, he went just for two hours yet he feels as if he went for days. He didn't want to admit it, but there's still a little hope that when Kaname wakes up, he will be his little sweet Kaname and Not that nightmare Kuran.

He went directly to Kaname's room, this is the first time he could watch Kaname closely. They put him in this room just this morning.

He opened the door quietly, there he is, still un moving. He walked to the bed, Kaname's face still pale, the bandage covered his forehead and a little of his hair. There was some bandages here and there on his body, to tell the truth .. He felt sorry for him. Not for Kuran! But for this poor child, he shook his head and snorted secretly; he should be crazy by thinking like that.

He brought a chair and sat next to the bed, suddenly he remembered that he thought he once when he was thirsty he saw Kuran in his room and he woke up feeling pretty well.

If he remembered the illusion well Kuran was putting his hand on Zero's lips and demanding him to drink.

Zero frowned before he took Kaname's small hand to see his wrist, his eyes widened when saw the scar on Kaname's wrist; and there was a fangs marks next to it .. His fangs.

There's no hope at all, as much as he hated it, this is Kaname .. Kaname Kuran.  
The Pureblood bastard.

* * *

Zero was just finished his lunch, he was on his way to Kaname's room right now.

It has been a whole week since they brought Kaname out of the emergency's room.

He turned to the left corridor and stopped when he heard a nurse calling out for him, he watched the nurse coming towards him with annoyed look; he wasn't in a mood to talk to anyone right now.

The nurse took some breaths "Kiryu kun .. the doctor sent me to tell you that the child just woke up, but he didn't say anything or answer ..."

Zero didn't let her continue speaking, he ran to Kaname's room as fast as he could, he heard the nurse calling for him but he ignored her.

That bastard has woke up! This is his chance! He will demand him an answers, he will show him that he can no longer fool him. He won't be deceived by those wine-red eyes again!

He opened the door and stare back at those burgundy eyes that was staring at him coldly. His heart jolt for a moment, at has been awhile .. He missed those eyes.

He shook his head and glared at the child who was sitting calmly on the bed. He was thankful the room was empty and the doctor has already left.

He walks slowly to the bed still glaring at Kaname who still staring at him coldly.

Zero frowned and decided to end the silent, he doesn't know what to say now that those eyes were looking back at him, Why did you lied to me? Why did you gave me your blood? What were you doing at the old house that night? Did you want to help me?

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped and his eyes widened when he heard Kaname saying quietly ..

"Who are you?"

Zero stare at him for a moment before he shouted "Don't play dump on me Kuran you won't fool me again!"

Kname crossed his eyebrows and tilted his head "Kuran? .. Kuran who ..?"

* * *

**AN:** tell me what you think I'll be waiting :)


	9. Chaos Of Feelings

**Author's note :** My apologise for the delayed everyone! And thank you so much for the amazing reviews I appreciated it!

**KxZ fan girl :** about ur question, actually I believe that Takuma has a dark side, I mean everyone does no one is truly pure! I might be too possessive about Kaname but .. I have watched the animy I couldn't read the manga because I Can't take it with Yuki and the others, all my interest is in Kaname and Kaname x Zero and you can see that in my fics. All I wanted to say is I have read a little pages from the last chapters and Yes they all had left Kaname and Takuma was standing beside that Sara thing, I don't know what's the reason he was on her side but that's enough for me. Thank u for ur review :D

Thanks for ur reviews again everyone :D

* * *

**Chapter 9 : Chaos Of Feelings**

Zero meets the boy's questioning gaze with a glare, if this is how Kuran wants it so be it! Pretending to have amnesia to run from his questions and maybe his punishment. He shouldn't be surprised at all, a devious person like that sadistic monster would do that kind of tricks to avoid any unnecessary actions. How lame!

He leaned on the bed and took Kaname's small chin between his fingers to look directly at his big empty looking eyes "If you want to play this game again it's fine, just be aware of two things, one; I may act like it but I don't actually believe you. And two .." He continued with his gaze full of hatred "I really do .. Hate you, and that won't change no matter what""

He smirked when he saw the other's eyes widened slightly, he hugged him and whispered in his ear "I'm glad you finely awoke sweety"

Yes, he will get his revenge for everything this arrogant had done to him, and slowly but surely, Kuran will stop the act by himself, he will taste the bitterness because of his own lie, the important thing is to keep him at this pitifully state as long as he can, whoever had done this to him and made him a small child like this, he truly wished him a blissful life.

Something unexpected brought him out of his thoughts, he sensed a small shaking arms wrapping around his waist. He stare surprised at the boy who buried his face in his chest, what's wrong with him? Is this another trick or did he really had forgotten his memories? He said in hesitation "Kaname..?"

* * *

Kaname buried his face deeper in Zero's chest, his shaking hands clutching Zero's shirt and he closed his eyes forcefully. When he first woke up, he felt nothing but the pain in his whole body, his mind was blank, he knew he was in some kind of hospital. But who is he? Who brought him here? Why was he here in the first place? There's an important thing he must do, he have to do, but what is it?

_Nothing_

He couldn't remember anything, but there was a painful feeling inside his heart, he knew he should protect someone, he knew he wants to see that someone so badly. When the doctors came with a certain blond man with glasses, he searched their faces, one by one, they are all strangers, he doesn't know anyone of them.

They had asked him some questions, he chose not to answer any of them. His small hands were rested on his lap and he was staring at them calmly, nothing worth answering. He knew he hates those people, he just wanted them all to disappear, he wanted to see that someone, or to be alone.

When they finely left, it took some minuets before he heard a running footsteps, he stare at the door hopeful he would see that person. When the said person opened the door, when his eyes rested on him, he knew it was him he was wishing to see. But what was his name? Why he couldn't remember it? Who is this boy to him? What's wrong with his mind why he couldn't remember anything at all?

However when the boy had shouted at his face and addressed him with names he couldn't recognise, he knew at that moment he must had forgot his memories. His name must be Kaname, the boy had just said it, but what about Kuran? Is that his full name? Kaname Kuran? He was confused, why he could remember this boy in front of him from all people? Why he wanted to see him so badly, why he wanted to hold him, to make sure he was real, to make sure he wasn't an illusion?

Why he wanted to protect him? And from what? What happened between them? There's a lot of questions on his mind, but more importantly, why he have this feelings, yet the boy has said it clearly that he was hating him? Why his heart ached when he heard those words?

Why indeed.

He unwrapped his arms from the boy and moved away from him, the boy was clearly hating him, he didn't even hold him back when he knew he was desperate to be hold. He hides his shaking small hands under the covers, he know he hates to be weak in front of others but .. The emotions he was feeling right now were hard to be controlled, he was afraid, uncertain, broken and feeling abandoned. He kept his eyes on the covers to avoid looking back at the boy who was watching him intently. Was he thinking he was lying or acting right now?

He wanted to ask the boy about his name, but he was afraid his voice might betray him and showed his weakness.

He blinked when he felt a warm arms around him, this was different from the cold way he hugged him before, this was a warm embrace.

He inhaled the boy's scent deeply before asking "Would you mind telling me your name?"

* * *

Zero brushed Kaname's soft hair gently and brought him closer to his chest, he couldn't prevent himself from doing so when he saw the child's weak state. He doesn't know if Kaname was telling the truth or just acting, he will never know, he will have to deal with this doubts, he will have to live with it.

he won't know for sure, but he won't leave his doubts, he won't trust him completely, but he won't chase him away completely either. It was just a brief while and his heart has softened, seeing those empty big wine-red eyes has touched his heart. He sighed before he answered Kaname's question "It's Zero"

He heard Kaname mumbling softly "Zero .. I see"

He gently pushed Kaname away, he was in a war with himself, part of him wants to hold the other forever, the other part wants to push him away and shout at his face, or laugh at him for the state he was in, he wants so badly to pay Kaname back for everything.

Yet here he was, torn between the two sides, he stare at Kaname's still pale face, it seems he needs more time to recover. He touched Kaname's cheek softly "How is your wounds?"

Kaname flinched "What happened to me?"

Zero bit his lips before answering "A car hit you, you were reckless, I told you to stay at home but you didn't listen to me"

Kaname lowered his gaze to his lap, he didn't seem he had believed him but he muttered "I see"

Zero stood from the bed when the door knocked, he saw the doctor and the chairman walking towards them. He glanced at Kaname who was staring at them coldly before he told them about Kaname's amnesia.

Cross whined and made a fuss about it while the doctor said it was natural after the damage his head has suffered, and hopefully it won't be long before his memories return.

When the doctor said he wanted to check on Kaname Zero intended to walk to the door, there wasn't any need of him being here. A small hand grabbed the back of his sleeve and he turned surprised to look at Kaname's blank eyes "please stay"

He stare at Kaname a little shocked, how could the other hides his emotions so perfectly? He can tell he was afraid to be alone right now, but that never shown on his blank face, although he might lost his memories, but he didn't change at all. The same coldness in the eyes, the same blank features, the same cold tone, the same empty gaze and The Same Way In Giving Orders!

He sighed and went closer to Kaname's side while holding Kaname's cold hand between his gently.

He hates this person, he loves this child .. What he is gonna do?

* * *

When Cross and the doctor had left a nurse entered with Kaname's lunch, Zero watched Kaname's fingers buttoned his pyjama's shirt gracefully, how could a small fingers do it this way? He wonders.

Kaname wasn't surprised when he saw the wounds and scratches on his own body, or at least he didn't show he was; maybe it's because the wounds still hurt him too much so he expected what he saw? But he never winced nor flinch when the doctor was eyeing his injures, what a perfect act he could muster!

Zero took the lunch from the nurse and thanked her before she went out and closed the door behind her. He turned towards Kaname with a little smile "It's time to eat Kaname"

Kaname stare at him before he asked "How do you like me to call you?"

Zero blinked at the sudden question "Zero is fine, you used to call me Zero anyway"

Kaname nodded but said nothing, Zero put the lunch in front of the child and sat on the bed. He watched Kaname playing with the spoon in his hand mindlessly as if he has no appetite in eating, he asked again after a moment "Who am I?"

Zero was waiting for that question, but it took Kaname a long while to ask than he expected, he pinched the bridge of his nose before he answered "I found you in the woods months ago, you had lost your memories at that time as well, I have named you Kaname myself, other than that I know nothing about who you truly are"

Kaname tilted his head in confusion "What about Kuran?"

Zero smiled apologetically "Forget about that, it was a mistake"

Kaname didn't seem satisfied with the answer but he nodded nonetheless. Zero watched him playing with his food but he said nothing.

Yuki wasn't here, she went with her friend for the winter break, he doesn't think she would be here anytime soon, and that was comforting somehow, he would be able to do what he wants with this child looking bastard, she won't interfere with anything.

Now to think of it, Kaname had watched Yuki and Aido kissing in front of his eyes, what he will do when he returns to his real nature? Will he hurt them or something?

That if .. He does return to his real form, he watched the child sipping the soup slowly before he put the spoon aside, what will you do at this situation Kuran?

That seems .. Interesting.

* * *

Later at night, Kaname went out from the bathroom to see Zero leaning on the wall waiting for him. The other had offered to help him with the bath but he told him it was fine, truth to be told it was hard with the state his body was in but he didn't want to be a bother on Zero. He can feel the boy's hesitation towards him, he wish he could tell the other to not bother himself with him but he can't, he knew his life would be worthless if Zero wasn't by his side.

He was so tired, his legs won't carry him any longer, he stumbles on his steps but before he fell on the floor he felt his body lift gently from the ground and his head rested on someone's chest. He heard Zero's worried voice "If you had just let me help you, you are too stubborn for your own good Kaname"

Kaname kept his eyes close and muttered "I'm fine I'm just a bit tired, don't worry"

He opened his eyes when Zero put him on the bed and covered him gently, he stare at Zero who turned off the light and sat on the chair next to his bed. His sleepy eyes watched how the moon's pale colour reflected on Zero's silver hair softly, Zero really looked like an angel ..

_**'My Angel'**_

He winced in pain and closed his eyes when he felt a several headache suddenly in his head, where did that voice come from?

He heard Zero's worried voice "Kaname are you okay?"

He opened his eyes when he felt Zero's warm hand on his cold cheek "It's nothing Zero"

He turned his head slightly to meet Zero's worried gaze "You should go home, it's cold in here"

Zero looked surprised for a moment "Do you want me to go?"

Kaname stare at Zero's eyes for awhile, there it is, the same hesitation. 'I want you to stay here with me, but when I gaze at your eyes .. I can see your hatred for me, I can sense your uncertainly, your hesitation. I wonder what happened to make you hate me this much, you are such a bad actor Zero, and I think it because .. Your heart is just too pure to lie on people'

When Kaname finely nodded Zero kissed his cheek gently and bid him a goodnight, Kaname watched him silently till he closed the door behind him.

'Goodnight to you too, Zero'

* * *

A week had passed, Zero was helping Kaname changing his cloth to finely leave the hospital. Kaname was quiet most of the time, he never talk unless Zero talks to him. He didn't answer any question the doctor and Cross had asked him, he didn't talk to anyone but Zero.

He felt a little guilty seeing how the child Kaname turned out to be, before he had lost his memories he was more carefree around Zero than now, he wasn't holding back anything he wanted to say, he was playful, smirking a lot, he was smiling just to Zero, but now .. Even Zero can't see his smile. He never talk, sometimes he ask some questions, and other times he orders anyone around, other than that he kept quiet.

From his behaviours, Zero suspect that Kaname doesn't want to be a burden on him, it's obvious that he doesn't give a damn about anyone else but with Zero .. He wonders why he was treating him that way?

He still suspect that Kaname was acting about losing his memories, although Cross has told him the doctor was sure he have amnesia after he saw the damage that affected his brain. But to Zero, everything is possible for that arrogant bastard.

"Don't stare at me this way, you know I'm not a monster"

Kaname's calm voice jerked him out of his thoughts, for a brief while he thought he would see Kaname's smirking face, but what he saw in front of him was just a blank cold eyes staring back at him. He shook his head and smiled before he answered "I'm sorry Kaname I was just deep in thoughts"

The door opened suddenly and the cheerful Cross jumped into the room "Finely our little Kaname will return home! I was so lonely even my sweet Yuki isn't there, oh I'm really glad!"

"Yuki?"

Cross's eyes widened "Zero you didn't tell him about Yuki? How rude! She is my sweet adopted daughter beside Zero, she always ask about you and she wanted to visit you but .."

Zero cut him off "That's enough Chairman we have to go home, did you finished Kaname's new room?"

Cross grinned "oh yes! You will love it Kaname..."

Cross kept on talking but no one was listening to him, Zero was watching Kaname whose shoulders slumped and his gaze rested on the ground, he looked disappointment, what's he thinking about?

Zero wrapped the scarf around Kaname's neck, he stare at Kaname for a moment, the child still looked pale but he was better, the bandages has been removed from all his body except for the one around his head. He smiled and took Kaname's hand gently "Let's go home"

* * *

Zero watched the child carefully all the way, Kaname didn't make any sign about recognising the place, he walked beside Zero silently till they reached Kaname's new room.

He had asked Cross to arrange this room for Kaname, he doesn't want to sleep next to that bastard any longer. Whenever he laid on his bed he remembered Kaname's eyes gazing at him softly, and when he remember that the child Kaname was the same Kaname Kuran, his most hateful enemy, and how he managed to deceive him, how he managed to play with his feelings, he wants to rip the other's heart right away. How much he hates himself for allowing that devious sadistic monster to play freely with his feelings like this!

He sighed and covered his face by his hand when he noticed that Kaname was avoiding his gaze, he must had let his true feelings for the bastard to show yet again.

He forced a smile before walking to the door "I'm going to the kitchen for awhile, take some rest I'll check on you later"

He didn't glance at Kaname before he closed the door behind him, he doesn't want to feel any remorse for the way he was treating him, that arrogant pureblood deserve everything he is doing to him right now. Although all he did was this cold treatment, but he could see how much this was affecting Kuran, and he wonders why? All he was doing is return everything that pureblood bastard had done to him, and he still have a Lot to return.

He smiled to himself while he was making a coffee for himself, he found a cookies on the table Cross had made. He eats the surprising delicious cookies while he was humming a random melody, he was in a great mood, there wasn't any cocky pureblood around to ruined his mood.

However, is it fine if he left Kaname in his room by himself like this? He pouted, there isn't any harm at that right? He won't hurt himself or something ..

He stare at the last cookie left on the plate, Kaname likes the cookies, they were always eating together .. He angrily took the remaining cookie and throw it in his mouth in haste, there's no chance they will be like before, now he knew what his child Kaname was hiding, why he considered him as a genies, of course he will be if he was that smart ass Kuran.

A smirk appeared on his face when an evil plan popped into his head, he stood and went to have some fun.

He opened Kaname's room smiling with a glass of an orange juice in his hand, he saw Kaname setting lazily on the couch staring at the ceiling and the black wolf dangling from his hand.

"Are you bored sweety? I have made a fresh orange juice for you" he was smiling innocently while he was handing it to Kaname who steadied his setting position "It will help you to recover quickly, now drink"

Kaname stare at the glass before he muttered "Thank you"

Zero watched him sipping the juice slowly, he prevent himself from laughing out loud when he saw the expressions on Kaname's usually blank face. He frowned when Kaname continued drinking the juice calmly again, it's obvious he doesn't like the taste so why he didn't put it aside? The Kaname he knew will do that for sure, he won't force himself to drink something he doesn't like, Kuran just care about himself, his wishes, his own enjoyment, so why he behaves this way right now?!

He took the glass hastily from Kaname's hands, he already finished half of it. Kaname tilted his head in confusion while Zero gritted his teeth "You don't have to drink it if you don't like it you know?"

Kaname lowered his gaze but said nothing, Zero was confused, why Kaname is behaving this way? Why?!

* * *

Kaname kept his gaze on the ground till Zero had left, he had told him to take some rest. When Zero closed the door behind him Kaname ran to the bathroom to throw up, he didn't like that taste one bit, a fresh orange juice? Are people drinking that kind of juice?

He washed his face and brushed his teeth, he won't ever drink that weird juice again. When he returned to his room he sat on the window edge to watch the beautiful snow outside, a dark clouds covering the sky, the snow falling softly, the bare trees, the white ground ..

_**"He hates the snow .."**_

Kaname clenched his head painfully, these voices again ..

_Who hates the snow?_

_**"Pleas don't make it harder on him.."**_

He shook his head while the painful headache and the voice refuse to leave him alone..

_Who ever he was I won't harm him but please Stop!_

_**'He suffered too much because of me .. I'll protect him..'**_

Is that my voice? What did I do to him?

He fought back the tears from escaping his forcefully closed eyes "Zero .."

* * *

At dinner, Kaname tried to force the food inside his mouth, he didn't want Zero to worry about him. But hell he was tired, all he wanted was to sleep peacefully.

After he finished the half of his bowl he thanked Cross for the meal and went straight to his room, he wore his pyjama and laid on his bed. He was exhausted!

He closed his eyes slowly, Zero's angelic face with the hatred look in his eyes still haunted him, he took the pillow and put it on his head in attempt to clear his mind.

Zero .. Zero .. Everything is about Zero!

After an hour or so his tired body drifted to a restless sleep.

_Where was he?_

_It's so dark .. And there's a strange feeling in the air. Was he dreaming?_

_He walks slowly while he searches the place by his eyes, he can't see anything .._

_He stopped walking when he saw someone's back, he gasped and ran towards him when he knew who was he " Zero!"_

_He stopped dead in his track when he saw the gaze Zero was giving him, a hateful glare. He muttered hesitantly "Zero .. Why are you..?"_

_Zero gritted his teeth before he turned and walked away "Don't call me that, you know how much I hate you!"_

_Kaname intended to ran after him "wait Zero!" He stopped when he saw a numerous red eyes staring down at him, he steps back while his eyes searching for Zero, he had disappeared!_

_He stare at the eyes again, what the hell is that? Red eyes that glows in the darkness .. Are they animals?_

_He steps back again, they are getting close.. Too close .. What do they want?_

_He gritted his teeth "Who are you? What do you want from me?"_

_He heard a low chuckles and he saw their mouths moving but he couldn't catch what they were saying .._

_"Just your .."_

Kaname opened his eyes wide, he sat on the bed and tried to calm his fast breaths. It was just a dream .. There's nothing to worry about .. It's just a dream..

"Zero..."

* * *

Zero turned on his other side on the bed, he couldn't sleep, Kaname's face on the dinner was paler than it was in the morning. Maybe he wasn't feeling well?

He grabbed his Bloody Rose when he saw his door opening slowly, he pointed his gun to the door and waited, his eyes widened when he saw the small figure standing there. He lowered his gun and mumbled "Kaname .."

He noticed the child's half buttoned pyjama's shirt and the water dripping from his pale tired face, he asked gently "A nightmare?"

When Kaname nodded he smiled in understanding "Come here"

He picked Kaname up and put him gently on his lap, he buttoned Kaname's shirt slowly, he wants to say something to calm the frightening child. His face looked calm enough but his slightly shaking small hands told him otherwise. He doesn't know what to say, when he finished he gathered him gently in his arms "Don't worry sweety, I'm here with you"

His heart ached when he felt Kaname's shaking hands clutching his shirt, he brushed Kaname's hair gently "It's okay Kaname, do you want to talk about it?"

Kaname shook his head but kept silent, Zero sighed and laid back on the bed with Kaname still between his arms, he hugged him tighter to his chest to calm him. After a moment he felt Kaname's body relaxing, he moved slowly to see Kaname's face, a warm smile appeared on his lips when he saw Kaname's peaceful sleeping featured.

It was a long time my sweet child.

* * *

_**'Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies,**_  
_**So we don't know what's real and what's not,**_  
_**Always confusing the thoughts in our heads,**_  
_**So we can't trust ourselves anymore,**_  
_**You and me,**_  
_**Are the same,**_

_**It wasn't just me'**_


	10. Between Your Arms Again

**Author's Note:** Thank you readers for your support! I appreciated it :D

roxxihearts: Get a beta you say? *sigh* believe me I tried 'twice :d' but get no answer, I hate asking others so I throw the idea out of my head. I know you readers are the victims here and I'm truly sorry for that :(

* * *

**Chapter 10: Between Your Arms Again**

Kaname's wine-red eyes flattered open, he stared at the view in front of his eyes, that desk and the chair, that window .. Everything looks familiar, like he used to watch them when he opens his eyes everyday. He sat up on the bed and scanned the room, Zero's room. He remembers when he came here last night, when Zero hugged and calmed him down, Zero ..

He took the pillow and inhaled Zero's scent deeply, he wants to be always by Zero's side but he doubts Zero wants the same thing.

What happened between them before? Why it's so complicated?! Why he clings on Zero so badly while the other hates him this much?!

How pathetic of him.

He remembered now .. Zero was holding a silver gun last night, what was is for? Why he have a gun in the first place? Isn't it dangerous for a boy like him?!

He was curious, and since Zero wasn't around he went to take a look around the room. He wants to see that gun.

He slipped off the bed and went directly to the drawer next to the bed, Zero didn't left him till he slept so maybe he had put it here. He opened it and held his breath when he saw the gun, it was a real gun. He took it in his small hands to take a closer look, with a light frown on his face he noticed the words that were written on the gun's metal surface..

**'Bloody Rose'**

What a weird name, but why Zero have this gun in his room?

"Keep your filthy hands off my gun!"

He froze and dropped the gun from his hands.._ 'Filthy hands?!'_ he lift his wide burgundy eyes to meet Zero's furious ones, _'What's all that about?!'_

He watched when Zero took the gun and put it in the belt on his slim waist, he blinked when Zero said in a quiet tone "You shouldn't have done that, it's dangerous"

Kaname's small hands dropped to his sides, he stare coldly at the ground next to his feet, the words left his mouth in an icy tone "Dangerous you say?" He lift his gaze to glare coldly at Zero's shocked face "Then why you have it?! Answer me .. Zero"

He kept his intense glare focus on Zero who bit his lips nervously and shifted on his feet, just what's Zero playing at?!

He won't allow this idiot to harm himself in anyway.

* * *

Zero nibbled the inside of his cheek and avert his gaze away from the child in front of him, hell what's wrong with him?! The one in front of him was the damn Kaname Kuran but in a child's body and without memories, why he feels this way under the intense gaze in this wine-red eyes? He should careless about it like he always do but .. He knows the other is angry at him and he knows why, there is no reason except he is worried about him, and that's what makes him nervous and feeling guilty at this moment, why the hell Kaname is worried about Him in the first place?! Maybe it's because he doesn't remember his hatred towards him?!

It makes no sense, yet ..

He inhaled deeply before he returns his gaze to Kaname again, the child was looking at him expectancy as he waited for the answer. A wry smile appeared on Zero's face, to be stuck in a corner by a child nonetheless, what an ironic. However who sees Kaname's expressions right now won't believe he is a child like what he appears to be, this hard gaze in his slightly narrowed eyes, his small lips formed into a thin line, the typical face of an angry Kaname Kuran.

running his fingers through his silver hair with a sigh, he answered "You could say it's necessary for my job"

A light frown appeared on Kaname's face "What kind of job?"

Zero knelt next to the child to be in his eye level "If you didn't notice before we live in a school ground, I'm the prefect of this school as well as Yuuki.." He stopped for a moment before continuing "I need this gun in order to protect the students you see?"

He pursed his lips when he saw the doubt in the narrowed burgundy eyes "Protect them from what?"

"From everything that might endanger the school, you know .. Just in case?"

He stare amused when Kaname turned his face to the side with disapproved expressions, he smiled warmly and lift his hand to ruffles the soft brown locks gently. This is the child Kaname he used to know, maybe he field at noticing it before, but Kaname was always worrying about him wasn't he? Why would Kuran be worried for him anyway? Still ..

Kaname's quiet voice cut off his amusing "What if protecting others get you hurt instead?!"

When he was about to respond Kaname removed his hand away from his hair coldly, he stared surprised at Kaname's blank face and cold eyes "You wouldn't mind if something like that happened would you?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, Kaname gave him his back and continued "You simply don't care" He stared in shock at the child's shaking shoulders and clutching fists "But I do care Zero .."

He kept his wide-eyes focused on Kaname's small body, when Kaname turned his face to meet his gaze he nearly gasped in shock when he saw the determination in the wine-red eyes "I don't give a damn if you hate me or not, just to let you know .. I won't stand by and watching you get yourself in danger, understood?"

He watched the child walking to the door still in shock, his lips were slightly parted, he shook his head when he heard the door closed in a soft click, a small reflection of Kaname's cold rage .

What the hell just happened?!

* * *

Zero glanced at the empty seat next to him, Kaname kept himself in his room after what happened in the morning, he didn't have a breakfast nor lunch. He knows he can't force the other to eat in any way, so why trying?

He put down his fork, he can't enjoy his meal without the calm child eating quietly next to him, even if he was silent most of the time especially after the incident, he misses Kaname's presence and his calm polite way in eating.

"What's wrong Zero-chan?"

He lift his annoyed gaze at Cross "Don't call me that!"

Cross smiled "You are thinking about Kaname aren't you?"

He grimaced and lowered his gaze "sort of.."

"I knew it!"

He shot the grinning Cross a death glare but said nothing, he hesitated before asking "I want to ask you Chairman.. Did you know Kaname when he was a child? How he was?"

Cross tapped his chin thoughtfully "I don't remember seeing him much when he was a child, I didn't know his parents well at that time. I remember seeing him in some balls though, he was quiet with small polite smiles here and there since his childhood"

Zero's frown deepened "Is that all you know?"

"Some says he was alone all the time, being a pureblood and such, even the other vampires children respect him for that. After I knew his parents later I believed what I heard before was true, and when his mother told me she wants her boy to communicate with the others in a normal school like the humans do I didn't blame her at all"

Zero tilted his head in confusion "His mother wanted that?!"

Cross smiled fondly "Don't be surprised Zero, they might be purebloods but they weren't bad at all, actually they helped greatly in keeping the peace between the vampires, hunters and humans. You don't know how many times they opposed the vampire council"

He pursed his lips and took the fork again to play with his food "I already know about those lines, and those Kuran's stuff"

Cross continued as if he didn't hear the bored tone in Zero's voice "However after his parents death, Kaname kept his faced and polite smile in place. He knew the elders were using him and he wanted to stop them, I offered him to stay here with me but he refused, he said he wanted to watch what the council were doing closely"

Zero kept playing mindlessly with his food, he really wants to hear what Cross was saying, but the more Cross went on, the image of the ruthless arrogant pureblood Kuran Kaname appears in front of his eyes "I didn't ask you to tell me that bastard whole story Chairman"

Cross sighed "This might get your interest, he said he wants this school to be his arms and legs; That's why he agreed on being a student here, not to make friends and live as normal as possible like his mother wanted"

Zero grimaced "That doesn't surprise me at all, a monster like him have no need of friends, all he wants is dogs to follow him around. Am I right ?"

Cross lowered his eyes to his food, Zero caught a weird gaze on the other's eyes before it disappeared "I don't know how it will end"

Zero gritted his teeth when he saw that look again "What is it Chairman?! You don't trust him as much as before .. Is that it?!"

Cross closed his eyes and shook his head "It just .. There are a lot of things he kept to himself, a lot of secrets. And .."

Zero tried to prevent himself from yelling at the other's face, he said as calm as he could muster "And ..?"

Cross opened his eyes with a slightly hard look "I'm sure that something has changed between him and Yuuki but he told me nothing, do you know something I don't know Zero?"

Zero's eyes widened slightly, he released the fork he was clutching in his hand, not noticing it won't be at use anymore. He took a deep breath "You noticed how she stopped annoying us about him didn't you? Maybe he had noticed that as well"

Cross frowned "You mean she doesn't love him anymore? I don't think so, I thought she became able to hides her emotions well and I'm proud of her for that!"

Zero sighed and stood from his chair "Well it isn't like you thought, it shocked me to say the least but she doesn't love him like she used to, and Kaname knows that. Or at least .. Knew"

He walked to the door ignoring Cross who shouted in shock "What?! Oh god!"

Zero stopped when he heard Cross's serious tone "Zero .."

He turned his head to look at Cross who also stood from his chair "Are you sure Kaname knew about Yuuki not loving him?"

Zero nodded calmly "Yeah"

"Then could you please watch him closely for me? And tell me when his memories returns? It's important"

When Zero nodded again Cross smiled at him "Thank you"

Zero kept walking with a light frown on his face, Cross seems have doubts about what Kaname will do in the future, he doesn't want to admit that what he saw in Cross's eyes at that moment was fear, he knows the ex-hunter wasn't afraid of Kaname, but he was afraid of what Kaname will do.

He doesn't know why Kaname and Yuuki's relationship bother Cross this much, so what if they stopped loving each other? What's the harm in it?!

Is it really that bad if they went to their separated ways?

Isn't that what they should do knowing Yuuki wasn't a vampire?!

And also .. He knows, Cross didn't won't Kaname to know about Yuuki's feelings, what if he had told him Kaname had saw her kissing his said loyal dog in front of his eyes?!

He doesn't want to think about what would have happened.

He have a lot on his mind after what Cross had said, so instead of going to check on Kaname he made his way to the stables.

* * *

Kaname hugged his knees closer to his chest, it's so cold. The down has came already and Zero didn't come to see him even once_ 'I'm such an idiot for waiting for him, maybe he is angry about me, but I don't care .. I said what's needed'_

Yeah .. Zero should know how precious his life is, he shouldn't risk it like that.

Will Zero be able to forgive him someday? Will he stop hating him? Will he ever be able to love him?

He wants to be accepted by Zero, he wants to be loved by Zero. Is that impossible for him?

He opened his small hands and stared at them, what Zero had meant when he said filthy?! Does he despise him that much?

He might didn't let it show, but he was really hurt by that statement.

He just wants to know .. What has caused all that?! Maybe he will ask Zero, he needs to ask him, he can't stay in the dark forever.

He laid on the bed and covered himself tightly, he just hope his sleep will be without nightmares. If he could just disappear, if he could just die, he closed his eyes slowly, it's the easiest way out.

* * *

Zero walks to Kaname's room, Cross said he slept without eating dinner, he wants to check on him at least, or as Cross has said, watch him.

He opened the door quietly, the room is dark and awfully quiet. He made his way to Kaname's bed, leaning slightly to watch the other's face closely, he frowned when he saw Kaname's features looking like he was in agony, is he having a nightmare?!

He shook him gently "Kaname..?"

Kaname jerked up suddenly with a light gasp, he stared at the child's wide eyes with a frown. Kaname mumbled "It's just you.."

Zero's frown deepened when he saw Kaname trying to hard to calm his frightening body by himself, he knows how it feels when having nightmares, and it certainly isn't pleasant at all.

He hugged the small shaking body to his chest "Tell me what you saw"

He felt Kaname's small hands clutching his shirt "It's nothing"

Tightening his hold around the other's body he murmured "Kaname please .."

He froze when Kaname answered after a moment "They want me dead"

He left his arms from the child and puts them on his shoulders to stare directly at his burgundy eyes "Who are they?"

Kaname turned his face to the side, apparently avoiding his gaze "I don't know"

He frowned and kept his gaze focus on Kaname's now calm face, to think the powerful Kaname Kuran dreaming about someones wanting him dead, it's unbelievable. No one would ever want a pureblood dead, even the hunters won't dream about that, it's crazy if anyone wants to kill a pureblood, it's a suicide isn't it?

He sighed and ruffled Kaname's soft hair gently "Do you want to go back to sleep? Or I could make you a late dinner, so what do you prefer?"

"Nothing" he blinked when Kaname leaned his head on his chest "I just want to be with you"

He stared in confusion at the soft brown locks, this is new .. After he lost his memories Kaname never said something like this. Could he .. Could he possibly regained them?!

Suddenly Kaname lift his head and meets his questionable gaze, he felt Kaname's small hands clutching his sides tightly "Why do you hate me Zero?"

His eyes widened when he heard that, Kaname insist when he saw Zero have no intention in answering "Please tell me"

He inhaled deeply before releasing a shaking breath "You will know when your memories returns Kaname, there's no point in telling you now, it's so complicated"

Kaname stubbornly held his gaze "But I need to know, tell me what happened between us that makes you hate me this much. Tell me what have I done?"

Zero sighed in defeat, he made up his mind, it might be at use for him, he will know for sure if Kaname still remembers or not.

"Okay if you insist, I'm not the only one who hates the other here Kaname"

Kaname tilted his head with a light frown on his face "What?"

"You hate me as well, if not more than I hate you, you never let a chance slip without showing me that"

Kaname's frown deepened "why?"

Zero grimaced "A lot of reasons, I'm not going to tell you more than that"

He kept his gaze focus on Kaname who shook his head slowly "I don't understand .."

He sighed when Kaname lowered his gaze and loosened his hold around him before he dropped his hands to his sides "I don't hate you Zero" kaname lift his gaze towards him and said calmly "In fact .. It's quiet the opposite"

Zero's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected statement. He stared at Kaname who took his hand and played mindlessly with his fingers "I didn't want to tell you that but now I think I should, because it looks like you still don't believe me" he blinked when Kaname lift his eyes suddenly and meets his gaze "Will you listen to me at least?"

He nodded slowly but said nothing, he held his breath when he saw a small smile tugged on Kaname's lips "Thank you Zero"

He couldn't prevent his body from shivering slightly when Kaname leaned and kissed his fingers gently. What's wrong with him?! Why he can't snatch his hand from Kaname's small fingers? this is the same Kaname Kuran for god's sake!

He blinked when Kaname started "First I want to let you know that I'm sorry for everything I've done, even if I don't remember what or why .. If I could go back to change it I won't hesitate"

He flinched when Kaname tightened his hold on his hand "I'm not lying Zero, when I first woke up I waited for you .. Although I had forgot your name, your face never left my mind. I wanted to keep this from you but .. I can't take it. One moment you stare at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world, and the other you stare at me like I'm some kind of monster, I hate it"

Kaname was avoiding his gaze most of the time, he wondered if what he said was the truth or not, well .. He have a small plan to know.

He took Kaname's small chin between his fingers and lift his face to stare directly into his big wine-red eyes "I'm sorry for that Kaname, I know it's hard on you but .. It's hard on me as well, truthfully, I don't know my own feelings .. I feel like I'm lost"

He bit his lower lip when he saw the disappointment in Kaname's eyes "Listen Kaname .. How about we make an agreement till you regained your memories, how is that?"

He couldn't prevent himself from smiling when he saw a glimpse of hope flickers inside those burgundy orbs "It's a deal, okay?"

A small smile graced Kaname's lips "Okay"

He smirked before asking "What do you think if we sealed our deal with a kiss?"

Kaname knitted his eyebrows "A Kiss?"

He leaned his face closer to the other still smirking "What do you know about kisses Kaname?"

He saw Kaname blinking before he answered "I know what's needed"

He traced his index finger on Kaname's lips "Then what a kiss on the lips mean?"

Before Kaname could answer he brought the small child closer to him and crushed his lips on the other's silenting the light gasp that escaped his lips. If this was an act and Kaname still hates him, he won't let him kisses him like that, he will push him away for sure, but if ..

He opened his eyes when he felt small hands tangling into his hair, was Kaname .. Kissing him?!

He lift his hand from the other's back and rested it on his shoulders before he pushed him away gently. This is not the reaction he hoped, he wanted the other to push him and scream at him 'filthy level E' instead of bringing him closer. He stared back at the big burgundy eyes and noticed the hint of confusion and amusement in their calm gaze.

A light gasp escaped his lips when he felt small hands grabbing him by his collar and dragging him forwards. He blinked when he was just an inch from Kaname's smirking face "You thought I won't respond to your kiss didn't you? I'm well aware of every kiss and what it's mean Zero"

His eyes widened at that, what the hell?! How could a child like him knows that, his mind should be innocent like the other's in his age, but .. This is not Kaname's real age so he shouldn't be surprised at all.

He stares in disbelieve when Kaname's small finger traced his slightly parted lips, he ignored the way his lips shivered under the soft touch and focused his gaze on the amused wine-red eyes inches away from him, he flinched when he heard Kaname's velvet voice "Your lips are so soft for a boy like you Zero, don't you think?"

He held Kaname's wrist and growled "Stop it Kaname! I was just playing"

"Playing?" A sideways smirk appeared on Kaname's face and he leaned closer towards him "Doesn't anyone told you not to play with the fire? It might burn you"

He froze when he felt Kaname's soft breaths and small lips brushing his ear lightly "You did the wrong move Zero, kissing a child who was desperately craving your attention for a long time"

What's happening?! Why it's so hot all of sudden?! He didn't realise he has been hugged until he felt Kaname's hands tangling in his hair. He heard Kaname's slightly hoarse voice next to his ear whispering "I loved it"

Despite himself he put his arms around the small body and brought it closer before asking quietly "Loved what?"

He felt Kaname nuzzling his neck "Your kiss" he held his breath when Kaname pressed his small body on him "Your closeness"

His hold tightened around Kaname's body and he closed his eyes forcefully, it didn't miss his mind that the emotions he was feeling right now shouldn't be with a another boy, let alone a 7 years old child! Mind you who the child truly was ..

He heard Kaname's calm voice "I still don't understand .."

He frowned slightly when he noticed the hurt in Kaname's tone "You said we hated each other .. Yet I know for sure this is not the first time you treat me gently like this"

He bit his lower lip "I told you sweety, it's complicated"

"You promised me you will always be by my side Zero .."

Was Kaname's voice sleepy or he imagined it? And how could he remember that promise alone? Was he touched by it? Does it really mean that much to him?

He heard Kaname saying in a sleepy voice "Please keep it"

He smiled warmly when he felt the child's calm breath on his neck, his small hands still holding him tightly but his body's weight told him he was relying on his hold completely. He must be tired to sleep suddenly like that.

He laid back on the bed and played with the soft brown locks mindlessly, it doesn't matter if they slept in his or Kaname's bed, as long as they were together.

* * *

_**'He still cares for me ..**_

_**Deep down ..**_

_**It wasn't just me'**_


	11. Can't Be Forgiven

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone. Yeah I know I apologize for the delayed.

The short lyrics I wrote in the end of the chapter belong to the song "Si dues mi relinquit".

BTW it's the main theme for this story, I think it's suit Kaname so much. I listen to it whenever I intend to write any chapter.

Thanks for the reviews.

* * *

Groaning softly, Kaname cuddled closer to the warm sleeping body next to him. Being in heaven; this is what he feels at the moment, and somehow, he knows those moments won't last long, but he will treasures it.

He knows ... Deep down, there is some things he doesn't want to remember, things he will be happier if he wasn't aware of, things that will only lead him to the depression, to the darkness he knows he belongs to, things that will lead him to his inventible end.

Life is so much easier this way, he knows; even if there were a lot of things he doesn't understand, and a lot of questions need an answer, but he doesn't want that answer. What he truly wants is to stay here forever, next to this angelic boy he loves so much.

He opened his drowsy eyes to stare at the beautiful face next to him, how could such a kind hearted boy have this frightening hatred? What had he done to Zero that hurts him so much?

He nuzzled his face lazily on Zero's chest, it has been a week since they made the truce between them, and Zero was treating him perfectly, as if he doesn't hate him at all. He is more than content on what Zero gives him; everything is alright as long as he doesn't see the hateful gaze in Zero's beautiful lavender eyes. He gripped Zero's shirt lightly, that kiss Zero had gave him...

A devilish smirk appeared on his lips, when his eyes fell on the pale chest that was shown from the unbuttoned shirt. Zero never kissed him after that kiss, maybe he will play with him a little...

He leaned slightly and pressed his lips gently on Zero's pale collarbone, Zero was always pushing him away, but now he is defenseless in his sleep, and with those slightly parted smooth lips he looks really irresistible, but for what? He doesn't want an answer; he will just do what his heart tells him.

He smiled to himself when he felt Zero's arm wrapping around him. He heard Zero groaning softly, before he shifted and lay on his back, still hugging his small body tightly to his chest.

Very pleased with the new comfortable position, he moved his lips to kiss Zero's inviting neck. He is so lucky; he got a very sweet and delicious breakfast!

* * *

He feels hot, but there were sweet touches like feathers on his neck, and now it moved downward. A weird sound escaped his throat, when he felt something wet touching his right nibble lightly. His sleeping face frowned slightly, when his mind started to focus instead of the dazed state he was in. Why was he feeling these pleasure full feelings? Damn those teeth they kept teasing his nibble so...

What?!

Opening his eyes wide, he sat hastily causing the small body that was on top of him to fall from his lap. He stared with shocked wide eyes at Kaname who was rubbing his small jaw with unpleased expressions "Well, that's so mean for someone who was only pleasing you" He froze when Kaname smirked and lowered his gaze to his chest "But it's worth it"

His face paled, and he slowly followed the child's gaze while Kaname continued smugly "Naughty naughty, you were making a beautiful sounds so don't deny it, you liked it"

What Kaname is talking about? Are those slightly pink marks on his chest having anything to do with it..?

He gasped when the realization hits him, he lifted his wide-eyes back to the amused wine-red ones "You did this?!"

When Kaname's smirk widened and showed his perfect white teeth, he knew he wasn't mistaken. He swiftly started buttoning his shirt and hissed in an angry tone "Don't you ever dare to do such a thing, pervert!"

Really... How could Kaname do such a thing?! God even if he was in this child body! If he still had his memories... Would Kaname Kuran ever kiss him?

He rolled his eyes when Kaname pursed his lips and said innocently "You shouldn't say such an improper word in front of a child, Zero"

"You call yourself a child?! You are the one who shouldn't have done such a thing!"

He glared back at Kaname who was glaring at him coldly "What am I supposed to do?! You always keep pushing me away, you never allowed me to kiss you"

What the hell?!

Is Kaname angry right now? Oh yeah, seeing this icy cold glare in the burgundy eyes, and the lightly furrowed eyebrows, is a perfect answer.

He hissed between gritted teeth "And why exactly should I allow you to kiss me?!"

Kaname held his gaze stubbornly "Because I want to"

He glared heatedly at the cold wine-red eyes, is this some kind of a joke? Why Kaname from all people?!

He doesn't have anything to say; he stayed silent when Kaname continued "It's a proper thing to kiss your little siblings isn't it?"

Kaname Kuran... He can be so damn stubborn when he wants to. He inhaled deeply before he answered "They are innocent children, Kaname"

He blinked when Kaname gave him a death glare, before he got out of the bed with a totally blank face "Who would die without your kisses anyway"

Just what's wrong with this little freak?! Was he just taunting him or he really wants to kiss him?

Sighing deeply, he got out of the bed and walked towards the still looking angry child, who was giving him his back. With a smirk on his face, he leaned and pecked Kaname lightly on his lips. He chuckled when he saw the surprise in Kaname's wide eyes "Where has your poker face gone to? Spoiled brat!"

He grabbed his towel and made his way to the bathroom, he stopped when a small hand held his pants. He froze when he felt Kaname wrapping his arms around his leg and nuzzled his face on the back of his thigh "I love you, Zero"

He turned his face and lowered his gaze to the small child; he ruffled the soft brown locks gently. That's not true, he knows, Kaname Kuran will never love him. Then... What about him? Does he still hate Kaname?

His fingers stopped playing with the soft brown strands, while his other hand clinched to fists. No, he doesn't hate Kaname, at least not the one next to him, he...

He jerked out of his thoughts when a small cold hand covered his clinched fist, he turned his questioning gaze to Kaname who smiled at him with a weird gaze in his dark eyes "You don't have to answer, Zero"

He blinked when the small hand left his, and Kaname had walked to the door "Have a nice shower."

_Kaname..._

Lifting his hand and covering his face with his palm, he stared at the closed door with an anguished gaze. How could Yuuki leave him? How could she betray someone as perfect as this person?! Kaname Kuran ... No, he doesn't hate him, not as much as before.

He lowered his hand to his side, what he is thinking? All he has to do is to watch this monster, as the headmaster has said, Kaname might do something dangerous, and he can't trust him.

After all... He is just a pureblood monster.

But... Why his heart ached? Why there are tears in his eyes?! Is it sympathy he was feeling for Kuran?! Everyone had left him, Yuuki, Cross doesn't trust him like before, and yet... He...

He murmured to himself without noticing the tear that ran down his pale cheek "How can I turn my back on him after... He said he loves me?"

* * *

Zero walked to the living room with two tea cups in his hands. A small smile graced his lips when he saw Kaname sitting calmly in front of the flickering fire, in the otherwise dark room. He furrowed his eyebrows when he heard Kaname mumbling something softly...

"Sed

qui me defendet?

Ab me terribilissimo ipse."

Did he hear him right? What language was that anyway?

He blinked when Kaname suddenly lifted his blank gaze towards him and went silent. He sat next to him and gave him one of the tea cups "What were you singing?"

When Kaname answered, he smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes "It's an old Latin song, I think"

He frowned and tilted his head slightly, while his gaze was focused on the child next to him, who was staring at the tea cup between his hands blankly "Latin?"

What's wrong with Kaname? He just kept staring at the tea cup with that blank gaze of his.

"I don't remember where I heard it" Kaname's voice was calm and blank, without any emotions. He blinked when Kaname lifted his gaze towards him "The only thing I know is, those words mean..."

He frowned when Kaname went silent and lowered his gaze again, he asked patiently "Mean...?"

_"However_

_Who protects me?_

_From the most frightful: myself"_

Kaname's voice was so low, he knows if he wasn't a vampire he won't be able to hear it. He stared wide-eyes at Kaname, whose face was shadowed because of the dim light of the flickering fire. Why Kaname Kuran was mumbling such words?! Does he really want someone to protect him?! That's impossible. As far as he knows, Kuran doesn't fear anything at all, even death. There's no way he would want anyone to protect him, unless... If he truly was afraid of _himself_.

Could it be that what he meant?

"You know Zero..." He jerked from his thoughts when he heard Kaname talking in a low quiet voice "Sometimes I wonder if we truly have past lives? I know it's insane thing to say but... I have been seeing things, it looked like memories, but I don't think so because it's so horrible, and there's no way a child like me has saw it all in his short life. I don't know what are they, I don't even know if they were visions or not"

He stared shocked at the child in front of him, Kaname was seeing things, and he didn't even know they were from his memories?!

"But to tell you the truth Zero, ignorance is a gift, I don't want to remember"

A light frown appeared on his face, Kaname doesn't want to remember? He asked quietly "Why not?"

His frown deepened when Kaname smiled faintly while his gaze still on his tea cup "I have this feeling, I've never been happy like this in my life before, I don't remember what happened before you found me, but I know for sure, I used to be alone, for so long."

He couldn't prevent the light gasp that escaped his lips, Kaname Kuran... Was alone?! What about his vampire friends?

"The things I have been seeing, they were so horrible" His gaze followed Kaname's hand when he put the tea cup in front of him, and lifted his palm to cover one side of his face "It was not just about people who were dying, but... I killed them"

He froze when he heard Kaname's last statement, his hand went unconsciously to his waistband where he had put his gun, the one was talking right now isn't his child, but ... It's the pureblood, Kaname Kuran.

"The frightening thing is... I'm not even scared, or terrified by them, it's just like something I used to watch or even do day after day. Truth to be said, it's fine with me to watch someone bleeding to death, completely covered in blood, without me lifting a finger to help, that if I wasn't the reason the person was bleeding in the first place. But I only know how terrifying death is when I..."

His fingers clinched his gun, when Kaname suddenly lifted his gaze towards him "When I imagine that you are the one who was bleeding."

His eyes widened while his fingers loosened from around his gun, what Kaname just said... Was it the truth?!

Kaname's lips formed into an impish smile, when he stared at Zero with sorrowful dark eyes "Zero, although I don't remember, but I know I have a dark past, I know that my hands are tainted, I know I'm not a normal child, I know it all, and I know you must have your reasons to hate me."

He turned his face away when he felt his eyes watering slightly, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Kaname lowering his head and he heard him murmuring "I know I'm selfish, but..."

Turning his face back to Kaname, he saw him clinching his chest where his heart was "These feelings I have for you, it's terrifying me!"

He stared shocked at Kaname, why was he saying such things?! The name left his lips quietly "Kaname..."

He flinched when Kaname cut him off "I know it's wrong, I shouldn't have said a thing, and I have caused you enough pain"

When Kaname finely lifted his gaze to star at him, he noticed how Kaname's eyes widened slightly "Zero...?"

He stared at Kaname with a questioning gaze, when Kaname moved closer towards him and lifted his hand gently to his cheek "Why are you crying?"

He blinked, before he lifted his hand to touch his own cheek as well,

_'Because you can't'_

Smiling faintly, he kept the answer to himself. He stared quietly at Kaname's questioning gaze, when a small smile graced Kaname's lips "This is not the first time you cried for me."

Before he could ask Kaname about what he meant, Kaname leaned forward and pressed his lips gently on his own. He froze for a moment before he closed his eyes and responded to the sweet kiss.

Forgetting all of his complicated emotions.

* * *

"Cross-san, who is the boy standing with Zero outside?"

Kaname asked the old annoying man calmly, he was sitting on the window's edge, watching Zero and the weird boy talking in the darkness outside. They were just finished their dinner when the blond boy came and asked to talk to Zero outside, alone.

Why did he come at this late hour?! And what does he want from His Zero?!

"His name is Takuma, and he is the vice president of the night class in this school."

He turned his blank gaze from the two boys outside, and glanced at the old man who was sipping his coffee quietly "Night class?"

Cross put his cup down and nodded with a proud smile "Yes, when the winter break is over you will see how this school is so perfect!"

Snorting in answer, he turned his gaze back the outside, he furrowed his eyebrows when he didn't saw them there.

_'Damn it! Where did they go to?!'_

* * *

When they entered what used to be Kaname's study, Zero asked with a light frown on his face "What's it you wanted to ask me?"

He wasn't comfortable at all; being in Kaname Kuran's study without him here was somehow... Wrong. Wasn't Ichijou feeling the same way?!

"Kiryu-kun, before I say anything, you have to promise me, this should stay between us"

His frown deepened at the blond's serious tone, he stared at the other's back when he answered "Okay."

Ichijou turned to face him "Do you know where Kaname-sama is?"

His eyes widened slightly, he dragged him all the way here just to ask about his leader? "No, I don't"

Still frowning, he kept his gaze rested on Ichijou when he took a deep breath "Listen Kiryu, I have to ask something from you to do, even Kaname-sama doesn't know about it"

He stared questionably at the blond in front of him, how could Ichijou do something without Kuran knowing?! Is it because of his absence? He kept his face indifferent when he asked "What is it?"

Ichijou blurted out "I want you to kill him"

He froze, he searched the blond's eyes for anything tells him this is just a bad humorless joke, but the blonds' eyes were deadly serious "You can't be serious?!"

Ichijou lowered his gaze before he answered "Sadly, I'm"

He clinched his fists tightly, that's not true, no that's not true! Why Ichijou from all people?! Wasn't he Kuran's best friend?! He hissed between gritted teeth "How could you say such a thing?! Aren't you suppose to be his best friend?!"

His glare didn't waver when Takuma suddenly shouted "No, I'm not! I never was and I'll never be! Kaname never considered me as his friend!"

He stared at the panting Takuma with a questioning gaze, what's all that about?

Takuma sat on the couch and started talking with a slightly shaking voice "Kaname... He deceived us all; he isn't the person he pretends to be."

His eyes widened slightly, but he said nothing when Takuma continued "I thought he was my friend, even if he wasn't telling me anything about his thoughts, or his feelings. I was telling myself its okay, because he had suffered so much, and of course because he is a pureblood, he can do everything without explanation, even to his only friend."

He noticed how Takuma clinched his fists "And believe me, even if he doesn't give a damn about me, even if he was just using me, and using us all, I don't want him to be killed!"

His eyes widened slightly when Takuma lifted his teary emeralds eyes towards him "This is out of my hand, it's an order I have to obey, or the students in this school would be in danger!"

"What?!"

He stared shocked when the blond continued "The council wants him dead, as well as the Hunters Assassination, even if not all of them aware of this. I told them I want them not to harm the students, so they gave me some time to Kill Kaname using any plan I want, or they will kill him here inside this school, and of course the innocent students will get caught in this" Takuma lowered his head before he continued in a quiet voice "And I know Kaname, even if he was just using us, he will never want the innocents to get harmed because of him"

He clinched his fists tightly, it doesn't matter if he was his child Kaname, or the bastard Kaname Kuran, for Kuran to be killed like this without a reason ... The image of his little Kaname when he told him they want him dead never left his mind, Kaname knew about their plan before he forgot his memories. He shouted angrily "If you already know this, then why do you want to kill him?! I know he is a bastard, but to be killed like this?!"

**It's unfair!**

"I thought you hate him Kiryu? But I guess that's why Kaname never thought that you will truly try to kill him"

He mumbled quietly while his lavender eyes showed how confused he was "What..?"

Takuma smiled faintly "I could say he trusts you more than you think, that's why I think you are the perfect weapon in killing him."

His clinched fists loosened, he asked calmly "Why they want him dead?"

"As I told you before, because he pretends to be someone he wasn't"

He hissed "As if I didn't hear you! I don't understand what you mean by that, if he wasn't Kaname Kuran then who the hell was he?!"

Takuma inhaled deeply, before he answered "His name is Kaname Kuran, but he isn't the true son of Haruka and Juri Kuran... He is their ancestor"

Trying to understand what he just heard, he furrowed his eyebrows "Ancestor?!"

"Yes, as for Rido Kuran has told the council, Kaname was sleeping for thousands years in a coffin in the Kuran's basement, and when he finely woke up he killed Haruka and Juri's son, who his name was also Kaname"

He kept silent for a moment trying to register what he just heard, he said after awhile "But that isn't enough reason to kill him, especially if he was an ancestor, don't you think?"

Takuma let out a sigh "They want him dead because he is always interferes with their plans, so they used this lame excuse."

He frowned lightly "I know you don't want him to be killed, so why don't you stand by his side? Or at least tell him to run away?"

Smiling wryly, Takuma answered "They had warned me Zero-kun, his life alone, or his life along with the innocent young vampires here, they will kill them and they will put all the blame on Kaname"

His eyes widened, and he stared shocked at the blond when he continued "Besides, Kaname doesn't mind to die, I know if he will have to choose, he will choose to die alone instead of those innocents"

He murmured still shocked "He doesn't mind dying?!"

Takuma nodded "He told me that before... He has lost his desire to live from long ago, the only thing that was keeping him alive is Yuuki, and I already took care of that."

He wanted to scream enough! He doesn't want to hear more! He said with a slightly shaking voice "You told Aido...!"

"Yes, he was shocked, and he refused at first saying Kaname-sama will kill him when he knows, but I told him Kaname won't harm anyone Yuuki loved, and you are a good example. I had more difficulties with him compare to the others"

Others? Are they all know about that, and no one stands out to defend Kaname?!

Those who were always making him sick, because of the way they were worshiping their pureblood leader!

He started to feels numb, this is all, it was like a dream... Or rather, a nightmare.

"Kaname would wish his death to come sooner when he knows about Yuuki and Hanabusa, and I as his friend, will grants him his wish"

Takuma's voice was like it had come from a long distant, and not just from in front of him. He said coldly "You dare to say such a thing, even if he wanted to die, he would never want it to be this way!"

_'For his friends to stab him in the back...'_

He turned his back to the blond, and walked towards the door "I despise you all, disgusting vampires. I'm not into this!"

"I thought you would say that, but I didn't finish yet, there's something else about Kaname you need to know"

He stopped before opening the door, and waited till Takuma continued "Do you know about Kaname's other secret?"

He turned his face to the blond with furrowed eyebrows "His secret?"

Takuma meets his questioning gaze "I hate to be the one who tell you, but I'm the only one who knows, and I have to tell you if I want you by my side"

He snorted in response, but he didn't leave "Just tell me already"

"Have you ever wondered why Kaname has ignored your behaviors when you drank Yuuki's blood? Even though he was beyond furious?"

He shook his head slowly; it seems it wasn't just for Yuuki, was it?

His eyes followed Takuma when he stood, and walked towards the window "Years ago, after Kaname had returned from visiting Yuuki, he told me he wasn't able to see her, instead he saw two young hunters twins"

His breath caught in his throat, Kaname had saw them him and Ichiru before their family's tragic?!

"That day he was thinking so deeply, I never gave it much thought, I wasn't aware that was when he first thought about his plans."

He murmured shakily "His plans?"

"Yes, soon after that, Shizuka ran from her prison, I guess you have a good idea about who had opened the prison door for her?"

His face paled, he stared with shock wide eyes at the blond in front of him, and whispered "Kaname Kuran..."

Kaname was the reason behind Shizuka's escape; she was also used by him, Kaname Kuran... He was the main reason his family died that night. He was the main reason Ichiru has betrayed them; he was the main reason he turned into a disgusting vampire!

_'"I know my hands are tainted, Zero"'_

It appears they were more tainted than he thought.

"He wanted you to be his weapon, for reasons I don't know. Now have you changed your mind, Zero-kun?"

* * *

Kaname was sitting on the doorsteps waiting for Zero, Cross had gone to sleep long ago, and Zero didn't return yet.

He hugged his small body tightly, it had stopped snowing moments ago, and now the place was deadly quiet. He just hopes there's nothing wrong with Zero, and that blond boy hadn't done anything to harm him.

He hastily rose to his feet, when he saw Zero walking towards him. He ran to Zero and wrapped his arms around his legs, he murmured while he was nuzzling his face on Zero's pants "What took you so long? I was worried"

He frowned when Zero didn't respond, nor did he move. He lifted his gaze slowly to Zero's face; he froze when he saw Zero's dark expressions.

"Worried..?!"

Zero's voice was low and husky, he stared puzzled at Zero when he continued "You dare saying such a word after you ruined my whole family?!"

His hold on Zero's legs loosened, what did Zero mean by that?! His frown deepened and he tilted his head to the side slightly "Why are you saying that?"

He dropped his hands to his sides and stepped back, when he heard Zero's weird chuckles "Oh yeah, I forgot, you don't remember a thing. Then let me help you remember"

He took another step back, why Zero is behaving this way, he shook his head slowly and forced his voice to stay calm "Zero, stop it this isn't funny"

He didn't move when Zero knelt in front of him, and the dark amusement had disappeared from his features "Who said I was joking? If you truly don't remember as you had told me, then I'll make you remember"

He shook his head more violently, why Zero was staring hatefully at him all of sudden?! He clinched his small fists tightly "No, Zero! You know I don't want to"

He flinched when Zero suddenly shouted "Why?! So you could live happily? You don't want to remember what you did so you would be relieved from the guilt?! I doubt you have ever felt remorse about it! Maybe you were just enjoying watching us suffer with that damned smirk of yours!"

He stared wide-eyes at Zero, what's this nonsense Zero was saying?! Was it even true..?!

He didn't move when Zero calmed down slightly, and took his small chin between his fingers while his gaze held his own confused one "Say Kaname Kuran, have you ever been... Afraid?!"

Kuran...? A light gasp escaped his lips when he saw Zero's beautiful lavender eyes suddenly turned to a pure scarlet. He lifted his small hand to hold Zero's wrist "Zero... Your eyes...?"

He couldn't control his increasing heartbeats, when Zero smirked "Oh, you even forgot about your true nature?"

He froze when his eyes caught the sight of the aroused teeth in Zero's mouth, were they... _Fangs?!_

He lifted his gaze slowly from Zero's mouth to his crimson eyes "See Kaname... This monster in front of you is just your low vampire puppet, your pawn in your mysterious chess games"

_Vampire_... Was it? Lifting his hand hesitantly to touch Zero's pale cheek, even if he was frightening at the moment, Zero looks really beautiful "I don't understand anything..." He ran his fingers slowly on Zero's soft cheek "But even if you were a vampire, you look beautiful" he froze and lowered his hand slowly to his side when he saw the hateful gaze in Zero's crimson eyes.

He gasped lightly when Zero grabbed him roughly from his small shoulders and brought him closer towards him. A light shiver ran through his body when Zero lowered his head to his neck and mumbled "I'll show how beautiful your damn race could be"

He tangled his fingers in Zero's soft silver hair, he doesn't actually understand what Zero had said, and why did he said vampires were his race, although he didn't know about their existence until now. He knows Zero is going to bite him, why wasn't he even afraid? Why wasn't he terrified about the vampires existence?!

He will give everything he has to Zero willingly, his blood, his body and his soul. Anything for Zero, all he asks for is Zero to stop hating him, but after that hateful gaze he saw in those scarlet eyes just seconds ago, he knows he asked too much.

He held his breath when he felt Zero's breaths on his delicate skin, and he heard him whispering "Painful bite, that slowly drowns your life, it would be easier if you just killed us, and not make us go through all of the endless suffering. Now Kaname Kuran... It's your turn to scream painfully"

He froze when he felt Zero's fangs piercing his skin roughly, and the severe pain had spread to all of his body. Whimpering softly, he tightened his fists in Zero's hair, and he felt the hot tears gathering in his eyes. Zero was making it painful on purpose, to the end of his life, Zero won't forgive him.

If Zero wants to kill him here and now... _So be it._

He gasped when numerous visions ran in front of his mind's eye, Zero... He wasn't just taking his blood, he was searching his memories!

His head felt like it was about to burst, and he closed his eyes forcefully, he hissed "Zero... It's okay to take my blood to the last drop, but don't see my memories!"

He bit his lower lip to prevent himself from screaming, the pain is too much! And he can feel his memories returning to him swiftly.

His name is Kaname Kuran; he is a pureblood vampire...

He tried to move his neck away from level D vampire hunter, yes he remembers almost everything.

The peoples who want him dead, the vampires who betrayed him, Yuuki...

No! Zero can't see anything from his memories! He will know about Yuuki!

"Zero! Stop it!"

No! He must stop him immediately!

He shouted again with the fear clutching his heart painfully "Please Zero stop!"

The pain is too much, the memories flooding to his mind were unbearable, and on top of that Zero might see them!

He gathered what energy has left in his exhausted body, and hugged Zero tighter. A sigh of relief escaped his lips when Zero went suddenly limp, and his body leaned on him completely.

His tired mind couldn't register what he did, but he was thankful that Zero has blacked out instead of exposing the only last secret he has.

Rubbing the aching wound on his neck, he stared at Zero's unmoving body blankly, and he didn't even wipe the tears that had dried on his own cheek.

He doesn't have hope at all... Now that he knew, Zero won't ever forgive him.

* * *

_**If God has forsaken me,**_

_**Then I shall forsake the ones, who blew me,**_

_**Only the oppressed may possess a black key,**_

_**I close all doors**_

_**Thus, I seal away their happiness,**_

_**However**_

_**Who protects me?**_

_**From the most frightful: myself**_

* * *

**AN:** For those who didn't read the Manga, I just wanted to tell u, Kaname really did open Shizuka's prison door, so the idea isn't mine. I admit I loved it so much -_-


	12. Fallen

**AN:** I apologize for keeping u waiting this long!

* * *

Drowsy violet eyes flattered open. A groan escaped his lips when he sat slowly on the bed. He frowned as his eyes scanned the room he was in, it's his room, and nothing seemed wrong.

Everything around him seems quiet, maybe much more quiet for his comfort.

He rubbed his temples, the frown still in place, if not deeper. Why he feels that he was cut in a middle of something? What was he doing? How did he get here anyway?!

His eyes widened suddenly when he remembered, the talk he had with Ichijo, and what happened with Kaname afterwards...

An irritated sigh escaped his mouth, and he threw his body backwards on the comfortable bed.

He shouldn't be so worked up for nothing; he has to think about it carefully. Apparently Kaname had done something to him so he blacked out, and maybe... He ran.

He snorted, he saw a lot of that bastard's memories, and he believes what Ichijo had said. For Kuran to be an ancestor, he saw that for himself. He saw a lot of pictures, and a lot of blood. He couldn't put one on one together, everything he saw was a mess, he couldn't understand anything.

Is that what Kaname meant when he said that he was seeing things he couldn't understand, but knew it had something to do with him nonetheless?

Whatever, it has nothing to do with him; all he cares about right now is ripping that bastard's head off.

He dragged himself out of the bed, he felt drained, he doesn't want to feel anything anymore, even hate, it's so bothersome. It would be good if Kuran came here himself so he could kill him easily, he is done with shouting, screaming, feeling, he is done with everything.

_It will only cause him pain._

Still... He wants that's batard's head. He can't give up on it, even if it cost him his own life.

What's left to live for anyway? Even Yuuki... She doesn't need him anymore.

He flinched when the door suddenly opened, and an open wide-eyed Yuuki stared back at him. He stumbled when she came running and hugged him "Oh Zero! I'm glad you are awake! I was so worried"

He hesitantly puts his arms around her, there's something wrong with her, he can feel that. He eyed her with a concerned gaze before he asked "Is something wrong, Yuuki?"

He felt her small fingers clutching his shirt, she didn't answer but he can hear her quiet sobs. She is crying.

A deep frown appeared on his face; she wasn't supposed to be here, was she? When did she return anyway?

Sighing, he puts his hands on her shoulders, and pushed her from him gently "What happened?"

"I... Headmaster..." She stopped trying to find the right words; he started to get nervous, did something happen to the headmaster?! Did Kaname do something..?!

"I... Kaname... Headmaster told me!"

He stared with surprised gaze at her teary eyes, she knew, Yuuki knew. He started "Yuuki..."

"I know Zero! It's not your fault! I mean I was compelled so..."

He gasped "What?! Compelled?!"

To think about it, he thought Yuuki had changed because she no longer loved Kaname. But her changing seemed... Unreal. And he was so busy with Kaname so that he failed to notice. Yuuki would never betray Kaname, the fight he had with her after what happened, and everything, Yuuki wasn't Yuuki, and he didn't notice.

What's that makes him? He doesn't deserve to be her brother, does he?

"I don't remember everything, there's so much that I can't recall in the past months, even little Kaname"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, before he asked "Who did it?"

He kept his gaze rested on her when she wiped her tears with her sleeve. They were all pawns on a chess board, but who's playing that chess game? Is it Kaname...? Or someone else? For Yuuki to be used like that... And for him... To believe that he found a truly lost child, they all had been living a lie.

"I don't know but... Kaname came to me yesterday. He didn't say much, but he forced me to drink some of his blood. When I woke up there was a gap in my memory, I forgot a lot of things that happened in the past months, Kaname wasn't around, so I figured that I should return."

His eyes widened, it seems Kaname wasn't the one who was playing chess this time, how ironic.

"How did you know it was him?" He asked after a moment of hesitation, she told him it wasn't his fault, but he can't help feeling guilty.

She sat on the bed and stared at her foot "When I woke up I had this feeling that bugs me, and when I asked the headmaster he didn't deny it"

He recovered quickly from his surprise, so he was the only fool who couldn't know Kaname's true identity. If Yuuki wasn't compelled at that time she would know it was him. He is so stupid!

Tilting his head to the side, he asked "So... Where's he?"

She shook her head "I guess he didn't come back here after he gave me his blood. Headmaster said he found you lying outside and carried you here, and there was no trace about Kaname"

He felt sorry for her, she seemed troubled "I wonder where he went, and what happened to him"

He turned his gaze away; he couldn't feel sympathy for Kuran, not after what he did.

"Do you know...?"

He returned his questioning gaze towards her, and she continued hesitantly "Do you know how long he was targeted, Zero?"

It was his turn to shake his head "Probably... They were taking their time. I think their first move was when he shrank; they knew they failed in killing him, so they compelled you to be cautious. They sure knew how valuable you are to him"

"Why..." He bit his lower lip when he saw the tears returning to her eyes "Why they want him dead?! All he was doing is protecting this academy! He was protecting everyone! That's not fair!"

She covered her eyes with her palms and cried silently. He stared at her emotionless. What had his family done to deserve that painful death? What sin did he commit to deserve what happened to him? What's their fault?

They were Kuran's game victims.

"You are not waiting for me to defend him, do you? Yuuki."

He noticed how cold his voice was, his gaze stayed blank when she lifted her shocked eyes towards him "Zero... It's a matter of life and death we are talking about! Can't you put your hatred aside for now? We must help him!"

He walked towards the window, his face reveal nothing "There's no we Yuuki, even if you want to help, there's nothing you can do"

He saw her standing on the window's reflection, and heard her shaking voice "Don't say things like that!"

"From what you said, it seems that his abilities have returned. He is more powerful than all of us, killing him is almost impossible, but Yuuki... It's a war" He turned to meet her shocked gaze, she seemed frozen. His gaze softened slightly "I talked to Ichijo; they can do nothing to help him. If he wanted to survive there would be a lot of victims, so his life alone would be..."

He stopped talking when he saw her body shaking, she understood what he said. Kuran must atone for his sins, he couldn't say that to Yuuki, but compare to the victims, he deserve to die.

Poor Yuuki, everything would have been easier if she was still compelled, why did that idiot wake her?! Couldn't he wait for a little...

He froze when the realization hit him, Kaname... Kaname has no intention to continue on living.

It seems that... He chose to die.

Wasn't that what was he thinking about since he woke up? Then why... _His heart ached?!_

* * *

The snow was falling in all his way here; he was standing in front of an old looking house, who would have thought there's such a place inside this mountain.

Being in a small body or not, with this amount of power that returned to him after Zero's bite, tracking down this hunter was almost too easy. He wondered why the headmaster couldn't figure such a thing.

Lifting his hand, he knocked on the old door, even if the place was so old, it looked really clean. There's no doubt that the hunter is still here.

When the door opened after awhile, he saw a face he knows very well. The man looked at him surprised, before he knelt in front of him and asked in a worried tone "Are you lost kid? Did something happen?"

Did something happen? What a stupid question. Is there something that didn't happen?!

It's good that he was able to make it here alive, it's either dying by Zero's hands, Ichijo, or any other vampire or hunter.

Taking of his hooded, he kept his face blank, when he answered calmly "A lot had happened master hunter. Long time no see"

He saw confusion and then shock on the hunter's face pale face "Kuran... Kaname?!"

He made his way inside "I know for sure that you are not running from me alone, they are probably after you. I need some answers"

He heard the man stepping inside after a moment "Please accept my apologies! All I did was protecting my family! They have threatened me. I won't resist if you wanted to kill me, but please..."

"Father? Who is this child? Is he lost?"

His wine-red eyes turned to meet the little boy's curious gaze; he dares to call him a child?! It's his damn father's fault!

He let out a 'Tsk' before turning his gaze away "We need to talk; I won't do anything if you agreed on cooperating. However, if you refused..."

He left the rest of the sentence hanging in the air, the man who took the hint answered with a bowed head "Thank you, I'm in your dept! Please come in"

He sat comfortably on the old sofa, the place is old, but it isn't bad at all.

He leaned his head backwards when the man disappeared in the kitchen.

Those stupid pathetic vampires and hunters, don't they know how much he longed to die? To rest in peace? To not feel this throbbing heart anymore? Because it's painful, _even breathing is painful._

Alas, as much as he wants to, he still can't die, not like this. If he had learned anything from his long life, it's how he chooses to die; he has no intention in allowing them to kill him.

Plus, he has a duty he hasn't completed yet.

"Why are you sad? Is it because you are lost? Do you want to see your family?"

He was shocked, to say the least. It's the first time someone talked to him normally like that, aside from young Yuuki and Zero, no one had ever talked to him this way.

He stared blankly at the boy's big questioning eyes. When he didn't answer the boy asked again "It's so cold outside isn't it? I'm going to bring you one of my jackets!"

When the boy was about to run, he retorted quickly "It's okay!" The boy stopped, and a frown appeared on his innocent face. He continued with an awkward smile "I don't need it, it's so warm here. Thank you"

He cursed his luck, he cursed the moment he turned into a small child. How ironic, for a little boy to treat him as if he was older than him! What a shame.

"I apologize for making you wait Kuran-sama"

The boy disappeared as soon as his father entered the room. His blank gaze scanned the room around him "You are exposed, you are going to die if you stayed here any longer"

The hunter puts a cup of tea in front of him, and went to sat on the opposite couch "I was running for so long, I don't have any other place to hide in, and I can't keep wandering around, my son's health isn't that perfect"

He glanced at the kitchen door, where the boy was hiding "Is it okay for your son to hear us?"

The hunter shrugged "He knows a lot already"

He sighed, and took the warm tea between his hands "Now how about I get a proper apology?"

The man bowed his head; his expressions were hidden from his vision "My humble apologies Kuran-sama, I ..."

"Your name was on my most haters list, why aren't trying to kill me right now?"

He saw the hunter hesitating, before answering "It was a misunderstanding, I thought you were the reason my wife had died. But when you kept avoiding my attacks without attacking me instead, I knew I was wrong"

His eyes widened slightly, he now understood... Almost "You did that spell on purpose, you wanted to protect me"

It wasn't a question, he was just stating what he thought was true, and when the hunter didn't deny it, he knew he was right.

His face returned to its usual solemn expression, when the hunter lifted his head to stare at him with serious look "They never thought that I would be succeed in killing you, all they wanted was for me to at least weakens you, and then they would catch you by surprise. I think they were waiting for you in your dorm"

He glanced at the little boy again, his gaze has become wary. Everything this man was telling made sense, surely he wouldn't expect any trap soon after finishing off a hunter. The man continued "The spell was made by my ancestors, I have no information if they had used it before or not, all I knew that it might turn a vampire into a human, and a memory loss would be a side effect. However in your case..."

"No memory loss, I shrank. It's a failure"

He saw the hunter frowning; he seemed deep in thought "That night, I returned after awhile. I thought that I would found you blacked out and completely human. Sure I had doubts, but I was shocked when I found your clothes, and there was no trace on where you went. So I figured that you became a human somehow because I couldn't track you, but it seems you didn't, I can feel your power?"

He leaned his head backwards, and stared at the ceiling "I did, this power has returned to me two days ago. That's why I was able to find you, without it I'm totally..."

He caught himself before saying the most un suiting word for him... Useless. He was about to call himself useless, is that a sign that he had already... _Fallen?_

He couldn't deny it, he was desperate. The road was closed in front of him, but he has to find away, he can't give up to that despair. He had felt these feelings before, didn't he? When everyone gave up on him, they had abandoned him, they had betrayed him. He knows these feelings all too well. He was able to move on once, though part of him had died. Now he has to move on, the time for his rest hasn't come yet... Just a little longer.

He has to pull himself together for a little while. There's still people he has to protect.

_Yuuki, Zero._

"I want the cure"

* * *

"So, you couldn't find him?"

He let out an irritated sigh, his violet eyes stared at the headmaster in annoyance "You know I couldn't! Why bother asking?!"

He grunted when the headmaster let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head "I was just trying to start a conversation, after how long has it been... Two weeks?"

He threw his body on the couch "I searched for him almost everywhere, I also checked some of the places I saw in his memories, I couldn't recognize much though"

He heard the headmaster sighing, but he didn't bother looking at him "Why did you send me anyway? If you wanted to see him you could have looked for him yourself"

He stared at the headmaster waiting for an answer; the other gave up "You looked... What can I say...? Troubled? I wanted something to keep you busy from over thinking things. And if you happened to find him..."

He cut the older man off "You know what I think? You knew that he knew that you don't trust him anymore, he knew you were suspicious of him; that's why he left without telling you"

He kept his gaze rested on the headmaster, until he sighed in defeat "Fine, I'm sorry I shouldn't have been too careful. Are you blaming me for fearing a powerful and extremely destroyed and broken pureblood vampire, Zero-kun?!"

Zero's eyes widened, and he stared with shock when the headmaster continued "You of all people should know how tragic it always end at these situations, I know how strong Kaname-kun's control is, but I think he started to reach his limits"

His eyes were still wide, when he asked quietly "Why are you talking to me as if I was defending him?"

Cross's gaze softened slightly, when he answered "Aren't you? Zero-kun?"

He was about to shout at the old man, but he refrained himself from doing so, he won't argue with this man, he was sure as hell that he wasn't defending Kuran. There's no way that he would do such a thing.

Truth is, the last two weeks he didn't want to find him. He doesn't know what he is going to do; he can't kill him right now. Yuuki was sick at bed ever sense their last talk, it might have been because of the compelling thing, or maybe the situation was too much for her to handle.

Everything around them was a mess; Cross had sent the day class students to their homes, in case something happened. The night class still here, taking their lessons as usual. He didn't understand why Cross hadn't send them away as well, killing them would be hard if they were with their families.

_'Kaname doesn't mind dying if it was for their sake'_

Ichijo had said something like that.

Is it okay to force someone on his own death? Is it okay to choose one life over hundreds of lives? Who has the right to choose?

"Zero! Zero-kun!"

He flinched, noticing that, the headmaster smiled "You look tired, take a rest"

He nodded before he stood.

He made his way slowly to his room, what would he do if he met Kaname? What his reaction would be? Would he scream and shout? Or just aiming at his heart in an instant?

Sighing and shoving his thoughts away, he opened the door. He really needs rest. He should stop thinking...

He froze when he saw a small figure sitting on his bed. His grip on the door handle tightened "Showing your face in front of me after everything you did, you have nerves"

Smirking, Kaname got off the bed "Can you close the door behind you please, we need to talk"

He raised an eyebrow, his eyes were colder than ever "And what makes you think that I want to listen to you?"

He glared daggers at the small figure in front of him, to think of it, this is the first time he talked to Kaname after he knew about him, and after Kaname regained his memories.

It felt... Weird.

Kaname retorted coldly "Surely you weren't searching for me the past two weeks for nothing?"

"Oh?" He smirked before he entered and closed the door behind him. Leaning on the door he asked "So you knew? Sorry I forgot to search all the rabbits hiding places in the woods, it would have fit you very well"

His smirk widened when he saw the annoyance clearly shown on Kuran's face. A small laughter started to escape his lips, how ironic. The powerful Kaname Kuran is stuck in a seven years old child body, how the hell he missed this funny part in their entire stupid situation. His laughter became stronger, and after a minute, he was laughing hysterically.

He saw Kaname's shocked gaze between his tears, what? What tears?!

He wanted to stop already, but he couldn't. He turned his face to the door, his shoulders still shaking from his laughter.

"Would you please stop, you are disgusting me"

His laughter subsided a little, but it didn't stop completely. He covered his mouth with his arm for unknown reason, and turned around to face the other "You can't blame me, I mean... Look at you, you barely reach my knee, and you dare giving me demands?!"

He saw Kaname staring at him with a frown; he lowered his arm to his side, and stared back with questioning eyes. His eyes widened slightly when he remembered his tears; he swiftly lifted his hand to wipe his eyes. Damn it! All he did was embarrassing himself.

He was surprised when Kaname didn't comment, and simply let it pass "I'm sick of this body, I need your help to return to my real form"

He frowned "Why me? And what make you think that I'm going to help you?"

He watched Kaname with a frown, he has his gun, why didn't he pull it at the other's face the moment he saw him? What's wrong with him? Where's all his anger? His hatred?

He hates this monster in front of him, he hates him. He wants him dead, and yet...

Surely killing him now would be easier before he returns to his own form, killing him now could save the academy. He can avenge his parents, Ichiru, himself and who knows how many other victims.

He jolted from his thoughts when he heard Kaname's voice "A lot of reasons you could say, for example, I don't think that you want Yuuki to stay laying on that bed forever?"

He gritted his teeth, and clutched his hands to fists "Is that your doing? You bastard! Have you no shame?! After what happened to her the past months because of you, you continue torturing her like this!"

"Your options become limited when you were haunted, Zero"

He stared wide-eyed at Kaname's cold wine-red eyes, could it be true? For Kaname to do this to Yuuki... Could what the headmaster had said be true? _Is Kaname going insane?!_

He gave the other his back and hissed "Fine! But don't you dare calling me by my name again! Now what can I do?"

He said that to distract the pureblood behind him, His hand went to pull his gun... Wha..?!

"Were you possibly looking for this?"

He turned swiftly to see Kaname holding his gun in his hand, a smirk was shown on his face "don't underestimate me Zero, even if I was stuck in this body I still can do all I want. The only problem is I don't like it, you know lifting my head to just annoy you with my stare"

He cursed under his breath "What Can I do?"

"Your blood"

He froze for a moment, before his eyes widened in surprise "What?!"

He blinked when Kaname hissed in annoyance "I said give me some of your blood"

He just stared at Kaname for a moment, until the other sighed deeply, apparently he wanted to calm himself "Ok I'm going to explain this once! You have a lot of my blood in your system, so when I take yours my blood becomes stronger, then my body can break the spell. Just like that"

_Just like that?_

He stared with a frown on his face at Kaname, why he feels like there's something else Kaname hided in his words?

He shrugged "Ok"

He knelt in front of the boy, or to be exact the monster in the boy's body. Well... This is going to be awkward!

He lifted up his sleeve to his elbow, and bite down on his wrist.

"I still have fangs you know"

He blinked, Kaname looked upset, was the pureblood offended? Serves him right.

He extended his arm to the other, his blood started dropping on the floor. His gaze met Kaname's, and the latter said after a moment "When I tell you to, you disappear from my sight"

After finishing his sentence, Kaname bit down on his wrist. He wasn't lying when he said he has fangs. He hissed, the bastard's bite was too deep!

It didn't take long before Kaname pushed him away with too much force. He gasped when he hit the wall; he was almost cut out of breath.

When his focus on his surrounding returned, he scanned the room with wary. His eyes widened when he saw Kaname lying on the floor, he was clutching his chest, he looked like he was in so much pain.

_**"Get out!"**_

Kaname's shout didn't wake him up from his frozen state. Kaname seemed in too much pain, it's the first time he saw Kuran suffering.

All the torment this sadist had caused his family, and for what? Why his family had to die?! Why he had to turn into a vampire? He is a vampire hunter! Why this monster had to twist everything?!

He was suffering, that means he was in his weakest state. He grabbed his gun from the ground, he shouldn't waist his only chance in killing him.

Headmaster was definitely wrong, he wasn't defending Kaname.

In the contrary, Kaname has to die.

And he has to do it.

* * *

_**I just can't take it anymore**_

_**This life of solitude**_

_**I guess that I'm out of the door**_

_**Maybe..**_

_**It was just me**_

_**All along. **_


End file.
